"He'll sit there and go, Dipsy... Po... Dipsy... Po. I honestly don't think he knows colors. Just Teletubbies."


While You Were Out

Okay, this is just going to be a massive quote post of funny statements from when I was typing-challenged.

Stary: That looks like an inspirational quote that should be at the bottom of a poster with dolphins and stars and crap on it.

Chelsea, to Stary: Your room is depressing.
Jill: Yeah... the Scottish stuff has got to go.

Madame: Katia calls me baby. Like, "No, Baby, I don't want to wear that! I like puppies!"

Me: Vicky... I am going to ask you a ridiculous favor. Can you put my headphones on?

Our French class Google searches for "Andy Nakis", known as "Andy Milonakis" to everyone who is not Madame.

Madame, out of nowhere: Is Usher gay?

(Pencil Case is wrapping his arms around a pole.)
Madame: Are you practicing?

Mrs. Campbell: Yeah... school lunches are definitely fab.

Clare: There's a ghost in my notebook! I was just drawing and letters appeared!
Stary: Clare, that is the imprint of the words from the page before.
Clare: Ohhhhh.

Mrs. Campbell: Joseph McCarthy was expelled from Congress.
Jackie: What did he do afterward?
Mrs. Campbell: He died.
Mark: Awww, he died of a broken heart!
Mrs. Campbell: No, he died of a stupid brain.

Pencil Case: How do you say sassy?
Madame: There is no such word.
Pencil Case: Yeah right! I am going to go look it up.
Me: Did you say that just so he would look it up?
Madame: Yes.
Pencil Case: It's in here! It's an adjective!!
Madame, very sarcastically: No way.

Erik: Was our book written by a woman?
Mr. H: No, it was written by a man, who sadly has left our planet. I can't wait until I die so I can get to meet him... except he's probably in HELL.

Mrs. Campbell: Oh, man capris... Mr. Schultz's brother used to wear those in my class.
Allison: My dad has a pair of those! He wears them for golfing!
Mrs. Campbell: Allison, those are knickers.

Stary: The Ghost of Haircuts Past.

Stary: Gout is not an STD.

Life Lessons from Mrs. Campbell: "If you buy a bagel on a Wednesday, it's stale." (She can't tell you this before you buy a bagel on Wednesday, though, only afterward when you discover it is gross as anything.)

Mrs. Campbell: So how is theology, a.k.a. Sophomore Sex Talk?
Me: Disgusting. I just close my eyes, praying that I will fall asleep so I don't have to listen to it.
Mrs. Campbell: Yeah, but by the time you fell asleep, all those words would probably have soaked into your brain and you'd have some gross sex dream.
[Long pause.]
Me: You are warped.

[Alex and I are setting up Christmas lights for the stage for Mr. NDA]
Me: Did you know that lights have a female part and a male part?
Alex: Really? I bet I can guess which is which!
Me: Yeah... except that this one has both, so I guess it has a hermaphrodite part.

Madame: Oh my god! It looks like Bart Simpson!

Mrs. Campbell: Yeah, some Russians came over to my house. They always bring really elaborate gifts, and you know what they brought me? This very intricate dress. For a wine bottle. It even had sleeves. Wine bottles do not have arms!

"Chelsea, wrong floor!"

Anna: I saw a commercial once that said, "If you are a man with a uterus, this drug is not for you."


Anonymous Anonymous babbled mindlessly...

*is dead from laughing*

5:56 PM


Post a Comment

<< Home