"He'll sit there and go, Dipsy... Po... Dipsy... Po. I honestly don't think he knows colors. Just Teletubbies."

12.20.2005

Cysts.

My life is pretty much the most ridiculous thing ever.

For example: Senate meetings. Oh my gosh--- way too much fun. I won't lie, it was a blast. We basically get together and whine about stupid things happening at NDA. It's amazing. And then Roberta comes and is all, "Stick it to the Man!" but really just "Stick it to Konop Foods!"... it is fun.

For example: history class. (Don't say you didn't know that was coming.)

First of all, Jacob did spirit fingers for about twenty minutes, then got annoyed when nobody noticed.

Jacob: Is this distracting to you?
Mrs. Campbell: No, not really. I don't get distracted by much... well, one of the first years I taught, there was this one kid who would take out a mirror, put it on his desk, and hunch over it and pop his zits. Swear to God. It was the most distracting thing ever. He did it at least three times a week.

Then we talked about warhawks.

Mrs. Campbell: Well, two of these are significant, and the last one is only there because his name makes me laugh. Because even though I'm thirty-seven years old, I'm very immature.
Caitlin: What's his name?
Mrs. Campbell: ...Felix... Grundy!! [Laughter from everyone.] Anyway. That is one of those names where I think, "Thank god I don't have that last name... especially as a teacher."

Somehow, the class turned very, very disgusting very quickly. I am trying to remember how we got to the topic of cysts, but I have a feeling it was totally random.

Mrs. Campbell: Once, I had a cyst and my doctor removed it and he showed it to me. And it was so shiny, it was like a shiny yellow bouncy ball of fat. So I asked my doctor, because I'm weird and I wanted to keep it,"Can I keep it?" and he said, "NO!!!"... Actually, I was just talking to someone the other day and they were talking about someone who had a cyst taken out of her wrist. And it had tentacles!! Tentacles!!
Anna: ...I have a cyst in my wrist.
Mrs. Campbell: Oh... well, tentacles aren't as bad as hair and teeth. At Thanksgiving, my sister, who is a mortician, said, "Ugh, cysts are the worst. Especially the ones with hair and teeth." And, since she says a lot of weird things, I just nodded and smiled. But then my sister-in-law, who is a nurse, said, "Yeah, those ARE the worst! They are SO gross!!" And I was like, "Wait--- what?" And then they explained to me that sometimes, a fertilized egg would die and turn into a cyst. And it would continue to grow hair and teeth. Isn't that SICK? Hairy, teeth-y cysts.

I definitely pictured a Chuzzle coming out of a womb.

So, English class is ridiculous. Yesterday, Caitlin had a boyfriend named Pocahontas (that wasn't what she said, that was just what I thought she said), and Stary talked about the kid who started all those racially-charged fights at Preble.

Today, it was hottie Puritan lumberjacks. You don't really want to know.

Caitlin, looking at the drawings Pencil Case made on the back of my neck: Oh my god, what happened to your neck?
Me: ...Pencil Case.
Stary: You're going to have to elaborate upon that.
Me: He drew all over my neck.
Allison: Oh, well, if you don't want people to see it, just pop your collar!
Me:
Um. I am not popping my collar. I do have some morals.

Anyway. French is my favorite. Pencil Case and I wrote a ridiculous dialogue. Then we just had wildness. And Joe-Joe came to visit us!! I love that boy.

So, all in all, it was a generally obscene day.

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