"He'll sit there and go, Dipsy... Po... Dipsy... Po. I honestly don't think he knows colors. Just Teletubbies."

11.07.2005

"Well, I think you're the only person in the history of Notre Dame Academy to get a referral for gum regurgitation."

Oh man. Today was prettttty entertaining. I love my bus, first of all.

Diana: I think I have heartburn.
Me: What did you eat for breakfast?
Diana: A banana.

[During our usual Monday morning Grey's Anatomy discussion:]
Alex: I love George. He has such a baby-face.
Me: And the sad-puppy eyes.
Diana: Those aren't just puppy eyes. Those are, like, butter eyes.
Alex and Me: Diana... ew.

Alex and I were studying in the Commons before school and I was cramming for history using my notebook that I stole back from Jacob. [Oh, Jacob.] I observed this event, which I thought quite amusing and worthy of blog-ness.

[Mr. Brooker walks through the Commons.]
Random girl, to her friend, who also just walked into the Commons: JOE!! I BROUGHT YOU A PIE, NOT EVEN KIDDING!!!
[Mr. Brooker looks around in utter confusion. Hahhhhhha. Alex and I crack up.]

During study hall, Jacob harassed me and told me that my voice gives him diahhrea. All because I took my notebook back to study from for a test we had in about two and a half hours that I couldn't study for all weekend because my notebook was missing. He was having one of his days that we politely refer to as "emotionally disturbed days."

Bio was just jeopardy, which my team won. Wow. We are really special. If we were Puritans, we would be all, omgz God definitely loves us more. But we're not. [Sorry. I haven't had a Puritan joke in a while and we all know how much I really do love laughing at predestination... I am a nerd.]

Geo/Trig was pretty interesting. Apparently, Shawn was hitting on Clare.

Mr. H: Shawn. Don't hit on her during class. God. You kids can go kiss later.

Allison was mocked today during history the same way she's often mocked during English.

Allison: Why did your husband bring breakfast to your first-hour class?
Mrs. Campbell: Because they raised a lot of money for the Katrina fund.
Allison: Why?
Mrs. Campbell: Because there was a hurricane. Why? Because of global warming.

Jacob's emotional disturbances, I am afraid to report, carried on into history. While the rest of us are innocently studying, Jacob decides to steal my notebook and that he isn't going to take the test. (I was later informed that he has never actually taken a history test this year on the date it was given. Wow.)

This would have been fine, just innocently studying at the front table but... it's Jacob. So, he looks at me, mouths, "I'm mad at you!" and does this thing where he clenches up his face muscles to the point where he turns purple and looks like he is going to pass out. I did not take this very seriously... okay, I laughed at him and asked if he was on crack... so he went and did the face for Mrs. Campbell, who also just laughed at him, asked, "Are you going to die or is that just wishful thinking?"

Jacob had no response to that, so he went back to his desk and pretended to be innocent for a few moments. Then he pulled out a gigantic twenty-pack of Winterfresh and stuck five pieces of it in his mouth and chewed it loudly with the glob of it half sticking out of his mouth. Mrs. Campbell tells him to throw it away, and he doesn't. He swallows it. At this point, I almost throw up. Then, Jacob regurgitates the gum right back up and keeps chewing it the second Mrs. Campbell looks away.

Of course, remember that Jacob is chewing five pieces of gum. It's very, very loud. And it's Jacob, so, if you can, imagine what you are hearing in your head three times as loudly.

Mrs. Campbell: Jacob, that's gross. Grossest thing EVER. I'm writing you a referral... for... I don't know. Regurgitating your gum.
Jacob: Really?!
Mrs. Campbell: Um. Yeahhhh.
Jacob: Oh my god!! Julie! Why do you hate me so much?! God, you're SO MEAN TO ME. I haven't even had a referral yet this year!! Come on! If you do that, I'll make your life a living hell.
Mrs. Campbell: Jacob, in case you forgot, I have four kids and I teach people like you full-time. You couldn't possibly make my life any more hellish.

Jacob takes it upon himself to steal the referral, which does indeed say, "Regurgitating gum during class", puts it somewhere in his pants (I don't want to think about that), and also takes it upon himself to steal Mrs. Campbell's pad of referrals. He writes one for her for being "rude, obnoxious, mean, obscene, uncouth, and promiscuous." What? Mrs. Campbell just laughs at him and pulls out another pad of referrals from her desk drawer and writes him another one.

While she begins to write, Jacob attacks. He dives straight for her desk drawer, pulls out a nail file, and starts hitting her with it. Not even joking.

Mrs. Campbell, pulling a baseball out of her desk drawer: Jacob! If you hit me one more time, I will throw this! I will throw it right at your head, I swear!

Jacob hits her again and the baseball slips out of her hands, hits her keyboard, hits the ledge, and falls into the garbage can with a large thud.

That was pretty much the end of it because the bell rang. I say pretty much because it isn't totally the end of it, but, you know, that is how we roll. I'm just going to leave you all hanging. That was the excitement of the day, Jacob's emotional disturbances, melodramaticness, and borderline insanity.

The rest of the day was pretty much the usual. English was pretty non-exciting for once. Stary got pretty annoyed with us at the beginning of class and then administered the beloved Language Arts WKCE. While he was explaining the test, he "accidentally" gave me the finger several times. Because calling me pregnant crack ho every day for a week isn't enough? I don't even know anymore.

During French, we definitely started to aggravate Madame. So she made a new rule that we could listen to music on our headphones during worktime. Oh my god, that is truly amazing. It completed me. I got to do my French and listen to my Elton. And Pencil Case stuck tissues in his ears? I don't know. I just don't know.

Comp Lit was the usual. We have a new seating arrangement and I really hate my seat and my computer, but oh well.

After school was definitely a confidental blast. And Jacob really did stretch out the seam of my coat (why did he think he wasn't going to?), and Ieva thinks American Sign Language is the craziest thing ever. Which it pretty much is. Anyway. This is a good week thus far.