"He'll sit there and go, Dipsy... Po... Dipsy... Po. I honestly don't think he knows colors. Just Teletubbies."

11.23.2005

A Quick One

So, just to write something on here:

1 . Elbow update- I went to get my stitches out yesterday and, because I am extra-super-good at bone-healing, I do not need another cast. This is good news (mostly beacause I can wear sweaters again.) However, I still have a sling and very minimal range of motion, so I'm still typing with one hand, so I still won't be blogging. But, by December 13th, I will be back. You have a date now. Put it on your calendars.

2. Bizarre things this blog gets hit for (I wanted to write something mildly humorous, so here it is:)

-"Russian trailer trash"
-"Kelly Ripa's kids names" (at least three times a week)
-"rock me like my back ain't got no bone" (that was a song we heard in Paris that Kathy would not stop singing)
-"animated tall giraffe with very short legs running"
-"(various celebrities mentioned on here) naked"
-"Roni Deutch"

Yes. Life is crazy. Have a good Thanksgiving, everybody.

11.11.2005

I'll be back in a while.

So, thanks to a lovely broken elbow, emergency surgery, and a soft cast, I am limited to one hand and probably won't be blogging for a while because typing is just the most ridiculous one-handed activity, ever.

So I'll be back as quickly as I can, I promise I won't quit blogging, remember to check every once in a while because I really swear I'm coming back as soon as my extreme typing skills are back. ♥

11.08.2005

"My plant, my plant, my plant is on fire!"

This morning, I had a dental appointment and so I didn't arrive to school until halfway through second hour. I reported to the main office with my much-necessary appointment verification in hand, and when I got to the main office, it was quite the party. Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Brown, Mrs. Campbell, Mr. Brooker, and my favorite male senior Mike were there and they pretty much all started speaking to me at once.

Mrs. Smith: Where were you? Were you skipping study hall, or did you just get to school now?!
Me: I had a dentist appointment!
Mrs. Campbell: Ooooh! Do your teeth feel all clean?
Me: Yes.
Mrs. Brown: Oh, Kellie, your freshman ID is on my desk. I don't know why, but it is.
Me, laughing: Oh. Okay.
[Mrs. Brown and Mrs. Smith leave.]
Me: It smells like something is burning. Do you guys smell that? That burnt-things smell?
Mrs. Campbell: That is what I said! Hey, Mr. Brooker, maybe your plant is on fire in your office.
Mr. Brooker, singing as he walks away: My plant, my plant, my plant is on fire!
[Mike and I look at each other and just laugh.]
Mike: Wow... that pretty much completed my life.

Anyway. Bio was insane. Even though I was twenty minutes late and therefore technically absent, Mrs. Mayer made me take the test. Which I had not studied for because I knew I would be technically-absent from class and would just take Wednesday or Thursday during study hall. But no. She made me take it. I was so confused by this sudden burst of hardassness.

Geo/Trig was pretty exciting because both Mr. H and Kathleen are pretty much completely ADD.

Mr. H: I am a little ADD today.
Kathleen: Oh my god! So am I!
Mr. H: I didn't say "a lot ADD", Kathleen.
Kathleen: Ohhhh! Burn!
Mr. H: Burrrrrn burrrrn burrrrrrn!! [Long pause.] Burrrrrn!

History was actually almost sane for, like, five minutes. Well, not really. But we were sanely doing a very sane assignment. Basically, we are having a quiz on the Amendments next Monday, and we get a cheat sheet... but we can't have any words. So we basically have to draw the Amendments.

Erik: Why are you even giving us this assignment?
Mrs. Campbell: Well... I really like to just look at them and laugh.

So, we were all innocently just drawing our Amendments, and after Alyssa being unable to read and me thinking that hands had four fingers, Jacob decided he hadn't gotten attention for a while. So he freaked out. This was probably just as much a freakout as yesterday.

Actually, first he showed us the referral he got from Tan Pants. And you know what it says on it? "Making orgasm noises." Jacob gets the most weird referrals, believe you me. But back to his freak-out.

Jacob: You asked two girls yesterday if they thought I was crazy!
Mrs. Campbell: Jacob, you hit me. You hit me with a nail file.

Jacob: THAT'S IT! I'M DONE WITH THIS SCHOOL! I'M DROPPING OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL AND GOING TO BEAUTY SCHOOL!
[Jacob walks out of the room and no one even notices. Mrs. Campbell picks up the phone.]
Mrs. Campbell: I just wanted you to know that Jacob just left my classroom. So he's, um, on the loose. [Hangs up.]

Theology was ridiculous. I think we start talking about sex tomorrow. Specifically, sex positions... oh dear god. I just have one question: if the Pope and all our church leaders are celibate, why does he get to decide all these sexual things?! I'm not implying anything, I'm just saying, what do they know? Seriously.

Lunch is demented. Most ridiculous, disgusting, disturbing conversation of my life, for sure. I am not even talking about it. Probably ever. But now that I think about it, it really was hilarious. Oh, as was getting "beaten up" and harassed by Jacob... oh god, can we say "emotional instability."

I love English. Today we had the WKCE writing test. Which had the stupidest topic ever. They could at least make the writing portion fun for, you know, a few people. And Stary makes me laugh. And he had some very funny comments about the censorship of the play, which I'm not writing because I'm never quite sure who all reads this.

Gavin: Do I really have to do this?
Stary: Well, you could just close your book and not write a thing, but I would think much less of you as a man.

In French we discussed new uniforms and the riots in Paris. Comp Lit was more of the usual, and after school was really fun. Alex and I stayed after and helped Mrs. Brown with Mr. NDA and Fall Fest stuff. I made a really pretty poster. It is on the Commons doors that lead to the auditorium, and it is actually really nice. You might not believe I made it, but I did.

11.07.2005

"Well, I think you're the only person in the history of Notre Dame Academy to get a referral for gum regurgitation."

Oh man. Today was prettttty entertaining. I love my bus, first of all.

Diana: I think I have heartburn.
Me: What did you eat for breakfast?
Diana: A banana.

[During our usual Monday morning Grey's Anatomy discussion:]
Alex: I love George. He has such a baby-face.
Me: And the sad-puppy eyes.
Diana: Those aren't just puppy eyes. Those are, like, butter eyes.
Alex and Me: Diana... ew.

Alex and I were studying in the Commons before school and I was cramming for history using my notebook that I stole back from Jacob. [Oh, Jacob.] I observed this event, which I thought quite amusing and worthy of blog-ness.

[Mr. Brooker walks through the Commons.]
Random girl, to her friend, who also just walked into the Commons: JOE!! I BROUGHT YOU A PIE, NOT EVEN KIDDING!!!
[Mr. Brooker looks around in utter confusion. Hahhhhhha. Alex and I crack up.]

During study hall, Jacob harassed me and told me that my voice gives him diahhrea. All because I took my notebook back to study from for a test we had in about two and a half hours that I couldn't study for all weekend because my notebook was missing. He was having one of his days that we politely refer to as "emotionally disturbed days."

Bio was just jeopardy, which my team won. Wow. We are really special. If we were Puritans, we would be all, omgz God definitely loves us more. But we're not. [Sorry. I haven't had a Puritan joke in a while and we all know how much I really do love laughing at predestination... I am a nerd.]

Geo/Trig was pretty interesting. Apparently, Shawn was hitting on Clare.

Mr. H: Shawn. Don't hit on her during class. God. You kids can go kiss later.

Allison was mocked today during history the same way she's often mocked during English.

Allison: Why did your husband bring breakfast to your first-hour class?
Mrs. Campbell: Because they raised a lot of money for the Katrina fund.
Allison: Why?
Mrs. Campbell: Because there was a hurricane. Why? Because of global warming.

Jacob's emotional disturbances, I am afraid to report, carried on into history. While the rest of us are innocently studying, Jacob decides to steal my notebook and that he isn't going to take the test. (I was later informed that he has never actually taken a history test this year on the date it was given. Wow.)

This would have been fine, just innocently studying at the front table but... it's Jacob. So, he looks at me, mouths, "I'm mad at you!" and does this thing where he clenches up his face muscles to the point where he turns purple and looks like he is going to pass out. I did not take this very seriously... okay, I laughed at him and asked if he was on crack... so he went and did the face for Mrs. Campbell, who also just laughed at him, asked, "Are you going to die or is that just wishful thinking?"

Jacob had no response to that, so he went back to his desk and pretended to be innocent for a few moments. Then he pulled out a gigantic twenty-pack of Winterfresh and stuck five pieces of it in his mouth and chewed it loudly with the glob of it half sticking out of his mouth. Mrs. Campbell tells him to throw it away, and he doesn't. He swallows it. At this point, I almost throw up. Then, Jacob regurgitates the gum right back up and keeps chewing it the second Mrs. Campbell looks away.

Of course, remember that Jacob is chewing five pieces of gum. It's very, very loud. And it's Jacob, so, if you can, imagine what you are hearing in your head three times as loudly.

Mrs. Campbell: Jacob, that's gross. Grossest thing EVER. I'm writing you a referral... for... I don't know. Regurgitating your gum.
Jacob: Really?!
Mrs. Campbell: Um. Yeahhhh.
Jacob: Oh my god!! Julie! Why do you hate me so much?! God, you're SO MEAN TO ME. I haven't even had a referral yet this year!! Come on! If you do that, I'll make your life a living hell.
Mrs. Campbell: Jacob, in case you forgot, I have four kids and I teach people like you full-time. You couldn't possibly make my life any more hellish.

Jacob takes it upon himself to steal the referral, which does indeed say, "Regurgitating gum during class", puts it somewhere in his pants (I don't want to think about that), and also takes it upon himself to steal Mrs. Campbell's pad of referrals. He writes one for her for being "rude, obnoxious, mean, obscene, uncouth, and promiscuous." What? Mrs. Campbell just laughs at him and pulls out another pad of referrals from her desk drawer and writes him another one.

While she begins to write, Jacob attacks. He dives straight for her desk drawer, pulls out a nail file, and starts hitting her with it. Not even joking.

Mrs. Campbell, pulling a baseball out of her desk drawer: Jacob! If you hit me one more time, I will throw this! I will throw it right at your head, I swear!

Jacob hits her again and the baseball slips out of her hands, hits her keyboard, hits the ledge, and falls into the garbage can with a large thud.

That was pretty much the end of it because the bell rang. I say pretty much because it isn't totally the end of it, but, you know, that is how we roll. I'm just going to leave you all hanging. That was the excitement of the day, Jacob's emotional disturbances, melodramaticness, and borderline insanity.

The rest of the day was pretty much the usual. English was pretty non-exciting for once. Stary got pretty annoyed with us at the beginning of class and then administered the beloved Language Arts WKCE. While he was explaining the test, he "accidentally" gave me the finger several times. Because calling me pregnant crack ho every day for a week isn't enough? I don't even know anymore.

During French, we definitely started to aggravate Madame. So she made a new rule that we could listen to music on our headphones during worktime. Oh my god, that is truly amazing. It completed me. I got to do my French and listen to my Elton. And Pencil Case stuck tissues in his ears? I don't know. I just don't know.

Comp Lit was the usual. We have a new seating arrangement and I really hate my seat and my computer, but oh well.

After school was definitely a confidental blast. And Jacob really did stretch out the seam of my coat (why did he think he wasn't going to?), and Ieva thinks American Sign Language is the craziest thing ever. Which it pretty much is. Anyway. This is a good week thus far.

11.04.2005

Pencil Case Demeans Me. True Story.

Oh gosh, twenty-six minute classes are my favorite. Seriously. Today was great fun.

During Bio, I employed the "okay" tally that Angelina told me about. And, in twenty-six minutes, that word was uttered thirty-two times. What?! Then there was the craziness of the test tube experiment.

Basically, we had test tubes that had Some Random Chemical Name Red in them. And we had to blow into them with a straw to get carbon dioxide into there. Except that someone sucked it up through the straw... oh dear god. It was really funny.

Theology is so obscene. Literally, obscene. Sophomore Theology = Sophomore Sex Talk. Really.

Lunch was pretty amazing. I love people. And people trying to work walkie-talkies. And people making fun of people trying to work walkie-talkies. And that at least five people were shocked and awed to see me in a skirt... ohhhkay.

Pencil Case: So, Fr. Dane, can you do an Irish jig?
Fr. Dane: No, but Kellie can! Will you do one for us, Kellie?
Me: Fiiiine.
[Does a little bit of a jig from Irish dance lessons as Adult Hermione, who is the choreographer for our musical and Swing Choir, walks by.]
Adult Hermione, shouting from down the hall: GOOD JOB KELLIE!
[I am mortified.]

Geo/Trig... I'm not sure. I was in Student Services working on something the whole time. I love Student Services, though. For sure.

History was more ridiculous review time. It wasn't quite as ridiculous as yetserday, which involved:

-Tony finally talking by yelling "you're a racist" and being told immediately to shut up

-drinks of water and Anna tripping

-overexcited people

-Alyssa spoiling all the fun. "Why don't you just tell my kids that Santa isn't real, Alyssa?"

-Jacob thinking there were eleven states when the Constitution was written. Then he thought there were thirty-four.

Anyway. Today just pretty much involved: Alyssa and I laughing at nothing and Mrs. Campbell having no counting skills. "4, 8, 6... nice job!"

English is amazing.

Me, upon noticing that I got the left-handed desk: Ugggggh. Slut desk.
Stary: Kellie, I am in this room all day, and not once have I seen that desk involved in sexual relations.

The rest of class involved deep thoughts from most everyone, and humorous thoughts from Chelsea.

Chelsea: They never show you what goes wrong with plastic surgery on all those shows.
Stary: Yeah. You can't just paste a nose back on.
Chelsea: You can't glue manhood back on either.

French was exciting. We all talk at once all the time and Madame, who had a break from that, isn't really used to it at all. She and I have the same size hands, too. Which is amazing, because no one has hands that small.

Madame, seven thousand times: Use your inner voices!
[Does she mean inside voices? I don't know. I do not know.]

Comp Lit, we had the CRAZIEST sub. I am not even joking, my lovely readers. This is a true story. None of it is made up.

[I am reading a music magazine since I have nothing better to do in that class.]
Pencil Case: Kellie! [snaps his fingers]
Craziest Sub Ever: Did you just come when he called you?
Me: Well... yes.
Craziest Sub Ever: Wow. That's really demeaning to a woman.
Pencil Case and I, at the same time: What?!!? We're best friends!
Craziest Sub Ever: But still. [Walks away. Pencil Case and I crack up as quietly as possible, which is not quietly at all.]

Play starts tonight!! 7:30!! Come!

11.02.2005

Rotary Chicken

I am so sorry I haven't updated lately. I haven't really felt up to it, and I still kind of don't, but I'm going to suck it up and write in here anyway, of course, only about the good/funny things that happened. I am really sick and tired of dwelling on all the bad things that have been going on lately. All it makes me is stressed out and mopey and angry and a pain to be around, and that isn't fair to the people who have to see me every day. Plus, I am getting it taken care of.

Actually, it really is kind of hilarious that I am failing Comp Lit. Who does that? I mean, not that I did it of my own accord, but, as I said: I'm getting it taken care of. And, you know what else is kind of funny? I still have an Honor-Roll-GPA, even with the F. Me = Officially A Big Nerd.

Anyway. I am going to start with yesterday. Oh yesterday. Where do I begin? I will start with after school. That is the only thing I can really remember. Most of the day is a blur. Most of after school is inside jokes with Alyssa, such as "Who's your daddy?" and "Heil!" Don't even go there. Trust me. You don't want to.

Anyone who put up with me then, you guys get snaps forever.

Tiffany: You should write about me on your blog. You should write that in theology class today, I said that the people who sin the most are the most popular.

Today was better, sort of. My morning was kind of dreadful because caffeine was in desperate need and the Commons no longer brews coffee in the morntime. I mean, yes, it tasted like tar drained through an ashtray, but it was cheap. And, although I have no standards when it comes to the good/badness of coffee, I do have cappuccino standards, and Commons cappuccinos are definitely not up to par. So braving the first few hours of this morning sans caffeine? Not a good time. But history class quite cheered me up (are you surprised?).

Mrs. Campbell, talking about chewing tobacco for no apparent reason: Yeah, when I was in high school, chewing tobacco wasn't really a bad thing to do at all. Everyone did it. Or at least all the guys did. Especially the hockey guys. They would chew during class.
Mark: What if they got caught?
Mrs. Campbell: They would swallow it, I guess. [Whole class either is shocked or nauseated.] I don't really know. Maybe they wouldn't. That's actually really disgusting.

Mrs. Campbell, reading out loud to us: "The state of Vir-john-ia." [Whole class cracks up.] Oh my god. What was that? I would really love to tell you what words I was mashing up but I have no idea. I mean, no one named John is anywhere in this paragraph. That was just stupid.

English class is ridiculous. I think all we ever do is harass each other.

Stary: You never really know how dysfunctional your family is until someone else points it out. And even then, it doesn't really seem all that weird to you.

Chelsea: I have the good and the bad and it all just combines to form one big Chelsea!
Stary: That was an unfortunate choice of word.
[Chelsea pouts and pretends to be depressed.]
Chelsea: I hate you!!
Me: Oh, don't worry, Chels. I will just go up to Dr. Schmitt and say, "Dr. Schmitt... Mr. Stary hit me."
Stary: Ohhhh, yeah. And then you can have Pease as a replacement!

Molly: Appealing? So it's like court? Oh my god... can I come watch? That is going to be hilarious.

Stary, talking about Instant Messages: That was definitely an L-O-L. Actually... it was more of a C-O-L. Chuckle out loud.

French is so exciting. We got to do anonymous performance evaluations of Madmichelle.

Madame: These are all anonymous, so I won't know who wrote them. [Reads one.] Oh. This one is Kellie's.
Me: How did you know that?! What happened to anonymity?!
Madame: The language. I mean, "mnemonic devices?" Come on, Kellie. It had to be you.

Then we talked about old-fashioned phones.

Brianna: Oh, what were they called... those spinny phones.
Me: Wait-- I know what it's called. A rotary phone, right?
Madame: Yes.
Chelsea: Ohhhh! Like a rotary chicken!
[A few people laughs, and Madame about dies to the point where she is the same color as her pink sweater and crying with laughter.]
Me: Rotisserie, Chelsea?
Chelsea: Oh... yeah.

Let's see. The rest is not really worth talking about. So. Tomorrow will be better! Good news.