"He'll sit there and go, Dipsy... Po... Dipsy... Po. I honestly don't think he knows colors. Just Teletubbies."

10.10.2005

"Those are dog treats!"

Oh my goodness gracious. What a day. It all started when I got to school and ran into Pencil Case and Tiffany.

Tiffany: Have you seen Alex? I had a dream about her. She was pregnant and she told me that being pregnant was "the cool thing to do."

That made me laugh, but Tiffany always does. Then Alex, Caitlin, and I went to sit in the Commons. Alex had about ten minutes to mend a poster for English.

Alex: Aughhhhh! I need tape! Tape tape tape!
Me: Let's say "tape" a few more times.
Caitlin: Tape-ity tape!
Me: Tapeworm!
Caitlin: Haaaa--- ew.

Then it was time for study hall followed by Bio. Chloe and I say some pretty funny things during Bio labs.

Chloe: How would you describe the cytoplasm?
Me: Well... it's goopy.
Chloe: That was highly scientific.
Me: I know.

Me, looking into the microscope and seeing moving blobs: Ahhhhh! It moved!!
(Polly cracks up at me.)

Geo/Trig was pretty funny. Well, not in an intentional way.

Mr. H: Paul is very sick. He has mono, the kissing disease... I guess he was kissing the wrong person or something. (All the kids laugh.)

Oh my goodness. History, Paul's mono was again mentioned even though he's not in that class.

Jacob, being a dramatic hypochondriac: Ohmygod. I'm sick again. I can't handle this!
Jessi: Maybe you have no immune system because you have AIDS.
Jacob: OHMYGOD OHMYGOD. MAYBE I DO HAVE AIDS.
Caitlin: Jacob, why would you even be concerned about that?
Mrs. Campbell: Settle down. First of all, you wouldn't have AIDS, technically. You'd have HIV. Second of all, you probably just have mono or something.
Me: Yeah. Were you kissing Paul?

Mrs. Campbell: I don't correct in red pen.
Caitlin: Why not?
Mrs. Campbell: Because I think it's mean and evil.

Erik: What did the Postmaster General even do?
Mrs. Campbell: Um, he supervised the postal workers... duh. (Laughs.) I have no idea what the Postmaster General did.

Anyway. Christine and I have way too much fun laughing at absolutely nothing during that class. Honestly, we spend so much time laughing, and I cannot even begin to explain why some of these things are funny. Mostly because they're just completely random and I'd be taking them out of context when they didn't even have any context in the first place.

Lunch makes me laugh.

Me, really loudly, as Brooker walks by: I'M SUCH A HUGE SLUT.

Alex is definitely a pig, too. And Katie told my favorite kind of Y stories, Preston stories. Apparently his new thing is to walk into the girls' changing hallway. Oh Preston.

English class we talked about death again. And Chelsea kept saying things in her man voice. Then Erik was obsessed with the word "sepulcher" but couldn't spell it.

Chelsea, in the man voice: I see dead people. They are buried eeeeeverywhere.
Me: Even I thought that was morbid.

Anyway. Then I told stories of Alice B. Toklas's dumpster grave but it was soon time for French. During French, we had to memorize a poem in five minutes. No one actually succeeded but I got pretty far and so Madame announced that I got cookies for some reason. I thought that was pretty cool. So I went back to get my cookies but I waited to eat them.

Pencil Case: Kellie, eat your cookies or just give them to me, seriously.

So I put a bite of them in my mouth.

Madame: You weren't supposed to eat them during class!!!! (Suddenly starts laughing so hard she is tearing up and turning red.)
Me: Ohmygod. What?
Madame: Those are DOG TREATS!

Well, everyone but me found this quite hilarious and laughed for a very long time. I made my favorite obscene hand gesture of fist-pounding at them.

Whole Class: Why did you give her dog treats?
Madame: Because she always makes fun of me for eating dog treats! She is always like, 'Madame, that is very disgusting.'

Anyway. It was all very entertaining. In the end, she gave me real candy because she felt bad. When Pencil Case and I left for Comp Lit, she was nibbling on one of the dog treats herself. Oh God. Pencil Case was then determined to tell everyone that I eat dog treats.

Pencil Case: Kellie eats dog treats!
Me: I was misled. I thought they were cookies.
Mrs. Pease: My mom ate monkey food once. She thought it was nuts.

Anyway. In case that wasn't insane enough, my bus is even crazier.

Diana: I used to have glitter tights from the Gap.
Lauren: My mom has glitter tights!!!

Caitlin: Did you know that you can pluck your leg hairs? You can! And the roots come out and everything! The hairs are, like, an inch long!

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