"He'll sit there and go, Dipsy... Po... Dipsy... Po. I honestly don't think he knows colors. Just Teletubbies."

10.12.2005

I don't even know what to title this post because of all the random hilarious things it involves.

Ohhhh my dear lord. You might have thought today would have been boring, what with having only three hours of school, all of which were the PLAN test. But, no. First of all because I was there with Pencil Case and Wolfae until 5ish. And we did random crazy things like go to Atlanta Bread and wander around the school bothering some of the most humorous people ever.

[Poppa G drives by.]
Vicky: Let's ask Poppa G for a ride to ABC!
Me: We are not asking Poppa G for a ride in his little priest car.

Elizabeth: We were playing hangman after the test today... and A. went up to the board and goes, "This word has a double meaning." And it was cantaloupe. And we were like, "Um, how does that have a double meaning?" And A. said, "You know, like those deer that run through the desert?"

At ABC, Pencil Case had a huge unground chunk of pesto in his bite of pasta and freaked out and spat it out. Back into the bowl. It was revolting.

First, Madame kidnapped us and made us make 60 Religious Certification Packets for herself and her co-workers. We had to borrow Mr. Schultz's staplers, who are named Stanley and Quill. He named them that so he can remember which staple brands go with which stapler. Anyway, this conversation took place during the stapling extravaganza.

Pencil Case: Why can't we call you G-Unit?
Madame: Because it makes me sound FAT.
Me: Can we call you G-Funk?
Madame: No... I don't like that. I don't like words that begin with F.

Madame: What's-his-face. The guy with the green suit.
Me: Mr. Blumreich? One of your, oh I don't know, best friends? You can't remember his name?
Madame: Uggggggh I'm tired.

So then we had to go return the staplers to Mr. Schultz, which involved many funny conversations.

Mr. Schultz: What did you guys need them for?
Me: We were being slave laborers and helping Madame put together religious certification packets.
Mr. Schultz: Oh... those things are crap, anyway.

Anyway. He had a big paper grocery bag of candy and he let us have some of it while we bothered him with stupid questions. Then Brooker came in and was all, "why are these hooligans in here?" and Mr. Schultz replied, "Oh, they are just here for the candy!" and pointed at the paper bag. Brooker, instead of just tilting the bag to look at it like a normal human being, stuck his head in the bag to see. That made me laugh for about an hour.

Somewhere after that, Pencil Case conned Fr. Dane into giving him one of his school pictures... I still don't quite know what that is about.

Anyway, after bothering Fr. Dane for a bit, we bothered Blumreich. This is always fun because Mr. Blumreich is very fond of just inventing things to make us laugh.

Me, holding up a picture his daughter drew: This is really cute. What is it a picture of?
Mr. Blumreich: It's a map!
Me: A map of what?
Mr. Blumreich: A map of a map. It's a really crappy map, too. But I couldn't say that to my kid. I couldn't be like, "That's horrible. Do it again!"

Mr. Blumreich: I have a cat with three legs. We used to have a cat with diabetes but I just got tired of giving him two shots a day and so we put him to sleep.
Pencil Case: I know someone who has a cat with one eye.
Mr. Blumreich: Yeah, I am used to crazy cats. My mom ran a no-kill cat shelter in our house when I was a kid. So we had all these one-eyed and three-legged cats. It was called the Lighthouse. It was a beacon of hope for three-legged cats.

Mr. Blumreich: I've always wanted a three-legged cat statue... but I don't think it would stand up.

Pencil Case: [Tells the now-infamous dog treats story.]
Mr. Blumreich: Wow. Were they Beggin' Strips? Those are the only dog treats I can ever imagine being good. They seriously look like real bacon! Anyway, I will have to talk to Madame Geyer about that because I really don't think dog treats are good for her. I mean, my brother, when we were kids... he ate dog food like it was popcorn or something. And my mom let him!

Anyway. After bothering Estufa for a while and talking about Boubeniders and writing ridiculous things all over her wipe-board, we went to play practice. The play is going to be so good and I am very pleased with it. It will be very very funny.

After the play, we were all leaving and Liz had a fake-fur purse and Kelly G-Funk freaked out.

Kelly G-Funk: That better not be real fur.
Liz: I don't know... the tag says "fox."
Kelly G-Funk: Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! I am so ashamed of you.
Me: Wait. Fox spelled "f-a-u-x?"
Liz: Yeah.
Me: Kelly G-Funk, she meant faux. She thought it was pronounced fox.

Anyway. Play practice let out over half an hour early and Pencil Case and I had no rides coming for quite some time so we went up to Kelly G-Funk's room to "help her". Which meant, again, more writing on the wipe board. Pencil Case drew his infamous Estufa sea monkey.

Pencil Case: Doesn't it look like her, in a caricature sort of way?
Kelly G-Funk: Sure... I guess. [Squints to read the board. Long pause.] Why does it say sex monkey on there?
Pencil Case and Me: It says sea monkey!

That made me laugh almost as hard as bag head Brooker.

For all you ND people who read this blog unbeknownst to me, I would really appreciate if you tell me that you read it and hopefully enjoy it. It would be greatly appreciated.

3 Comments:

Blogger Wolfae babbled mindlessly...

HAHAHAHHAHHA! Yesterday was so fun! I must say I thoroughly enjoyed chatting with Mr. Blumreich, who I swear is Tony Hawk.

8:16 AM

 
Blogger Jami babbled mindlessly...

Hi, I read your blog... you don't know me... but you're really amusing...

7:41 PM

 
Anonymous lindsay babbled mindlessly...

duuude. i so read your blog! because i have nothing better to do. :)

3:52 PM

 

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