"He'll sit there and go, Dipsy... Po... Dipsy... Po. I honestly don't think he knows colors. Just Teletubbies."


Sophie's Choice

So... Jacob is crazy, Alex is an addict, and apparently I am the only student at Notre Dame Academy who knows what Sophie's Choice is. Yes. I love life.

Well, let's see. This weekend was pretty much the most enjoyable thing of my life. I would explain it to you, but you would all just be like, "These kids are on crack. I'm going to turn them in and get fifty bucks." But, honestly, no chemical substances were involved. Just peanut butter M&M's and cheese curds, which Jacob ate all of anyway.

So. I guess I should start with history class, because that is apparently where everything starts. First, Jacob started shouting all our crazy jokes from Saturday across the room and everyone thought we were insane. Then this conversation took place:

Jacob: I can't choose.
Mrs. Campbell, sarcastically: Yeah, that's definitely like Sophie's Choice.
[Long pause.]
Jacob: Who's Sophie?
Mrs. Campbell and I, at the same time: Jacob! How can you not know about Sophie's Choice?
Rest of the class: Uhhhh. I've never heard of that before in my life.
Jason: Note that only the two smart people in the room have heard of this.
Mrs. Campbell: Seriously, you guys. I can't believe you've never heard of Sophie's Choice. Well, okay. It's a movie. And it was also a book. But, anyway. It's the most depressing movie ever made.
Jacob: What's her big choice?
Mrs. Campbell, for some reason deciding that it is a good idea to basically re-enact Sophie's Choice: Well, it's during the Holocaust, and she and her two kids get seized and they have to go to the concentration camp. And there's a line for the gas chambers and a line to go to the camp, and originally, both the kids are just supposed to go to the chambers. But this guard, like, likes Sophie or something, and so he tells her that she can choose. And so (this is the part where she completely spoils the ending, so if you don't want to know, don't read this:) she picks the boy to live, because he's older and he'll have a better chance of surviving the camp. But Sophie is crying all hard and so she can't see her daughter, which is good, because if she could have been able to, she would never have been able to live with herself, and all she can hear is her daughter screaming, "Mommy! Mommy!"

Okay. So, I know that just sounds extremely depressing and not funny at all. But you had to have seen her doing this. The hand gestures. It was a brilliantly awful rendition of Meryl Streep's performance. She and I were cracking up the whole time. And then Meredith goes, "Why is that funny? It sounds really depressing to me." And then we felt really bad. But we quickly moved to another topic, explaining things to children.

Mrs. Campbell: My daughter, the other day, she just walks into the kitchen and starts asking me all these questions like, "Why does God make hurricanes? Why does He make bad things?" and I told her, "Well, we need to have bad things so that we can appreciate the good things. Because if we didn't have bad things and good things just happened all the time, good things would just be average." And you know what she did? She laughed at me. I said, "Why are you laughing?" and she just goes, "Well, what you said was funny!" and then she just keeps laughing and walks away... I think I might have gone over her head.

Then Mrs. Campbell read us the scary, crazy forwards people send her, and then class was over and we'd, as usual, just talked about crazy things. After class, while waiting for Erik to get going and re-pack his backpack, which he did as slowly as humanly possible, we had a very random conversation about shoes and the Enlightenment. I swear, this woman says the most random things you will ever hear.

Mrs. Campbell: John Locke was such a cool guy. I just love him. I mean, apart from being dead and everything, he's practically my lover.

Lunch was pretty entertaining because Alex is addicted to ice cream and has no self-control. We are going to sign her up for that show on A&E, Intervention. That would actually be really funny. That would be the best episode of that show ever.

English just involved a lot of Erik saying "Molly!" and "Kellie!" over and over again just to get our attention to say stupid things like "Hiiiiii." So Molly and I yelled at him. And then we talked about McDonald's coffee. And Stary made dirty comments.

French was hilarious as usual. We love quizzing Madame on her foreign-ness.

Pencil Case: Do you know who Lamb Chop is?
Madame: A chop made of lamb.

Then we started talking about the 80s yet again.

Madame: Some people are just stuck in the 80s.
Pencil Case: Is Katia (Madame's two-year-old daughter) stuck in the 80s?
Madame: No. Turn around.

And then we got onto the subject of the French Revolution.

Mike: I love the American Revolution. Seriously. We were such bad-asses.

Then this lovely comment was made about syphilis:

Madame: Syphilis eats your brain.

Do you see why I love that class so much?

Me: Now I feel really bad for laughing about Sophie's Choice. I mean, it's definitely not funny.
Pencil Case: No, the Jewish times were not funny.
Me: The Jewish times?
Pencil Case: Jewish times, Holocaust, whatever.

Anyway. I hate Comp Lit. End of story. End of day. Bye.


Blogger Pencil Case babbled mindlessly...

Haha... Oh, Madame...

And, no, the Jewish times were NOT funny. Mrs. Pease isn't funny, either.


9:52 AM


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