"He'll sit there and go, Dipsy... Po... Dipsy... Po. I honestly don't think he knows colors. Just Teletubbies."

9.07.2005

Pilgrims are Fun!

What an amusing day. Seriously, today was so amusing that even our assembly was amusing. That is probably because the assembly was pretty much run by everyone's favorite crazy person, Blumreich, who talked about crazy things like math and how he is going to dress up as a unicorn and how Squattiest Piece of Protoplaysm Ever plays DDR. Uh. Yes. Crazy man. Then, to up the crazy quotient, who appeared but Geyer? And she used the foreign excuse. If you don't love the "foreign" excuse, you just suck. And Pencil Case then got to be onstage too! Can you believe that all that craziness at once is legal? I can't.

Speaking of crazy. Let's talk about my personal favorite class ever, history. How easy is it to get Mrs. Campbell talking on a complete tangent? Very. How amusing is it? Completely.

Jacob: Did you know that Celine Dion doesn't talk the day before her shows to anyone? Not to anyone. Not even to her child.
Mrs. C: I feel bad for her child.
Anna: I feel bad for Jacob.
Jacob: No, don't feel bad for her child! They have a sign language!
Mrs. C: Like what? Like, [makes the ridiculous obscene hand gesture of pounding your fists against each other], "Thanks for not talking to me!"

Mrs. C: Some of them got so hungry that they would even murder their wives and eat them. Which is very, um. Yucky.
Jacob: Oh, come on. It's not that gross.
Mrs. C: Yes, it is, Jacob. You don't just murder your wife, spice her up like a piece of turkey, and eat her.

This was followed by a seven-minute discussion about cannibalism and that soccer/rugby team that crashed in the mountains and had to eat their best friend. We couldn't remember if it was a soccer or a rugby team, or how many people they had to eat, or what the name of that movie about that (the one with Ethan Hawke) was called. This was followed by a demonstration of how they ate the person in that movie, courtesy of Mrs. Campbell, which was, of course, lovely. Finally we remembered that we were actually supposed to be talking about Jamestown. So we talked about tobacco.

Mrs. C: You know, you'd go buy some ceramic thing, and you'd pay with tobacco. That was what they used for money. It would be like, 'Hey, I'll give you three tobacco leaves for that...' [Stops midsentence.]
Whole Class: For that what?
Mrs. C: Well. I was going to say, 'I'll give you three tobacco leaves for that pot', but I'm sure that wouldn't have sounded very appropriate to any passers-by.

However, we quickly got back off-topic when we started talking about illegal drugs and how certain drugs are illegal under certain circumstances.

Erin, sarcastically, after someone randomly mentions morphine: Oh, I better get that outta my locker!
Mrs. C: Yeah. Get it out before the dogs come.

Somehow, we managed to stay on topic for about two minutes after that.

Mrs. C: It isn't John Smith's fault that his people decided to raid the Native American villages while he was away. He really had nothing to do with that.

But then Charlie Brown and Snoopy came into play for no apparent reason.

Mrs. C: Tomorrow we're going to talk about pilgrims. Because pilgrims are fun!
Mark: Will you let us watch that movie where Charlie Brown and Snoopy are pilgrims?
Mrs. C: Yeah. (Long pause.) If I was your kindergarten teacher.

Suddenly the topic-- imagine this-- changed to spelling.

Mrs. C: I think Kellie is the master speller of the class. I mean, whenever I don't know how to spell something, which is a lot, I ask and she just knows it. Right away. She's just like, [strange hand gesture that looks like something that would demonstrate vomiting.]
Me: Yeah. That's me. I just puke up spellings.

Theology was the same thing it has been every day since the second day of school. I really am getting tired of talking in circles about the same two topics with random sexual comments dispersed between the two. And we handed in our half-page essays about "society's view of Original Sin." Not even joking. Can you tell me something about society's view of Original Sin? Yeah, didn't think so. And, also, would you trust a bunch of fifteen-year-olds to speak on behalf of all of society? What kind of a person does that?

We talked about pilgrims again in English, and Puritans, which I guess are one in the same, but not exactly. I mean, all pilgrims are Puritans but not all Puritans are pilgrims. Got that? But apparently I am the only person who finds it quite ironic that the pilgrims left England for "religious freedom" and went to practice one of the most repressive religions ever. And then it started thunderstorming. Which it is still doing. I love thunderstorms.

Everyone was in a very crazy mood in French. Especially Geyer. But that is to be expected.

Madame: Did I really say that? Wow. That's really funny. I'm so funny. I'm just a funny person. (This is about the ninety bazillionth time she has said this.)

Madame: Well, yes. Drop would have a direct or indirect object. Because I can drop someone. Like Pencil Case.

Well, Swing Choir tryouts tonight! Wish me luck!

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