"He'll sit there and go, Dipsy... Po... Dipsy... Po. I honestly don't think he knows colors. Just Teletubbies."

8.31.2005

Unicorns, Fairy Dust, and Celine Dion.

Oh my goodness gracious. Well, the big exciting news is that we got our yearbooks today. There are a lot of unfortunate pictures of me in it, so if you got yours, just kindly ignore those. However, they're still not as unfortunate as Momma G's picture. There is never a time when that picture will not be funny.

[Pencil Case opens his yearbook during Comp Lit.]
Pencil Case: (a good two and a half minutes of high-pitched giggling)
[Pencil Case looks at the picture again after the giggling ceases.]
Pencil Case: (a good minute more of the same giggling.)

Chelsea: I love Momma G, but that picture makes her look like she has... special needs.

Momma G: MY PICTURE IS HORRIBLE. I look like a big loser dork! I look like I require special ed!

Yes. It is a hilarious picture. But not quite as hilarious as history class. First of all, we finally got our seating chart. Jacob wanted to sit in the front row, and was genuinely convinced, for some reason, that his desk was there. But, no, it was up against the wall, back in the corner. This did not please him.

"I'm going to throw a fit!"

"I can't sit here... I'm getting claustrophobic!" [Jacob whips out his inhaler.]
"I don't know if I should shut you up or just let you suffer."

"The wall is a good place, Jacob. You can rest your head against it."
"It'll make my shoulder hurt!"
"Well, you can always hit it until Mr. Schultz comes and yells at me."

Anyway. The lesson was quite hilarious, too.

"Imagine if, let's say, Canada took us over."

"Wait-- were those the guys who had shrunken heads?"
"No, that was somebody else."

"Native Americans don't celebrate Columbus Day quite the way we do."

"And the Pope decided. Yeah, because the Pope knows so much about navigation."

"Sometimes I say really disgusting things and I have absolutely no idea where they come from."

Then, about halfway through class, Jacob decided he was going to introduce Celine Dion, probably as revenge for his new seat.

Jacob: Has anyone ever told you that you look like Celine Dion?
Mrs. Campbell: Don't say that, Jacob! I hate Celine Dion! And my husband thinks she's the ugliest woman in the world.
Me: She is pretty ugly. She looks like a boiled owl.
Mrs. Campbell: Yeah, especially when she had that short hair.
Erik: Kellie, what kind of a sick person would boil an owl?!
Jacob: Why do you hate Celine Dion so much?
Mrs. Campbell: She has a nice voice, I just cannot watch her sing. She does all these... arm motions. It drives me crazy. And then she has that creepy old husband, who she's known since she was twelve or fourteen or something. Why would you marry someone that much older than you, who you've known since you were twelve? That's creepy.

So Celine Dion came up pretty much the whole class period. "Hey! Can we get a tape of Celine Dion singing songs about the New World?!" Oh, Jacob.

For a while, we talked about Spain and Portugal and how Mrs. Pease spoke Spanish to a Portugese person. "Well, maybe she just got over-excited about knowing a little bit of Spanish." "That doesn't change that she spoke Spanish to a Portugese person!"

Then it was off to theology. I was expecting some boring sex talk as usual. But, no. We got to work in groups and talk about the creation story. My group was Maggie and Alyssa, so, as you can imagine, we pretty much just laughed and talked about random things the whole time. Like unicorns. And oil trees. And now Tan Pants is concerned for our future children. Well, that just made us laugh harder.

We got our yearbooks at lunch! Oh, exciting. And Chelsea called our theology book, which is called Sex and the Teenager "Sex with the Teenager."

Me: Chelsea, that sounds like a statutory rape book.

Then it was time for English. Today we talked about creation, and Alyssa yelled out, "UNICORNS!", which caused her and I to laugh for a long period of time with people looking at us strangely. Oh, well. Then we talked about Scientologists and dinosaurs for a bit.

Stary: Yeah, so, maybe Tyrannosaurus Rex was actually a scavenger.
Chelsea, quietly: Maybe he sprinkled fairy dust on all the fields!

Stary: Do you guys learn scripture in theology?
Chelsea: No! We learn about sex!
Stary: [frightened face.]

This made me laugh quite hard, so then I kidnapped Chelsea's shoe, since she wouldn't stop touching my hair. And then we just talked crazy talk for a while. "Mr. Stary! You're stepping on Creation!!"

Erik: I love that I'm holding a flower in this picture. Yeah. Because that's not gay at all.

French just makes me laugh. Today we talked about Madame's daughter, Katia.

Chels: Is Katia cute?
Madame: No.
[Gasps.]
Madame: Of course she's cute, what am I supposed to say?!

So then it occured to me that I actually didn't need my sheet signed. So that ride to school was just a waste of time for my mom. Oh gosh.

Comp Lit was just more Pencil Case and I laughing about nothing. Also, we still haven't used computers. And Mrs. Pease addresses us by shirt colors and last names. And Pencil Case makes drawings all over my notebook, such as "Estufa as a Sea Monkey." Oh, well, at least they aren't masterpieces all over my arms again.

This is your last reminder to at least listen to the new Death Cab for Cutie CD. Do it for me.

2 Comments:

Blogger Pencil Case babbled mindlessly...

YAY!

Kellie, Comp Lit is amazing. Compy Tartsie is really disabled in the noggin, but not as disabled as the one they call "Kelly G, The Special Ed Kid."

Potato

Well, I have to get craking on that damn homework of mine. I will update tomorrow if not later...

LOVE YOU, BITCH!

-Benji

Oh, by the way, remind me to tell you the crazed way of reading in drivers ed.

9:54 PM

 
Blogger Kellinka babbled mindlessly...

Comp Lit is the most ridiculous class of my entire life. "Hey, you. Pink. I mean, red. I mean orange. I mean fuschia-- no, wait! Coral! Your shirt is coral!" How can she teach a class if she doesn't know her colors?!

And I will remind you to tell me of the crazed way of reading in driver's ed with PegLeg.

8:30 AM

 

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