"He'll sit there and go, Dipsy... Po... Dipsy... Po. I honestly don't think he knows colors. Just Teletubbies."


Reading Old Entries

So, I was having a great amount of fun reading old entries today. This was very amusing because sometimes I write the most random things ever. Like the time Pencil Case wrote about pet mice instead of just mice on his blog and so Madame chastised him about the mistake. Then I said how I thought no one actually had pet mice, but apparently Brooker's kids did? How did I even know that? Did I just go ask if he knew anyone who had pet mice?And they had pet mice? Did they die or something? Lord.

Oh, and I love my completely random and/or obvious nicknames. Also conversations with a certain crazy woman about said nicknames.

Goodness, I was such a freshman back at the beginning of the year. Then by January, I was apparently insane.

See, this blog is better during the school year because things actually happen. Like pet mice and bad nicknames. Whereas in the summer, I could just talk about how I talk on the phone with Chelsea all day, but that really is not interesting or humorous to anyone but Chelsea and myself. Who, by the way, are going to go kidnap all the old yearbooks.

Another thing about this blog is that it gets hit for "crazy dove lady" a lot. And, really, who Googles that? Honestly.

You know what I think we need? Another story about Mikhail Gorbachev and another story about Betty's family. I'm sure you've all heard this one before, but it's a doozy. Or at least I think so.

[Betty and I are playing against Little Peep and their mom, Laurie. Little Peep and Laurie have to fill in the blanks to make the word "Gorbachev". Betty and I are whispering to each other as they think.]
Betty: Who is Gorbachev, Kellie?
Me: God. Go attend history class.
Betty: No, seriously, tell me. I'm in retarded history.
Me: You know who he is. Gorby's the one with the big birthmark on his head.
[Betty laughs for about five minutes, and then Laurie chastises her upon discovering that she has no idea who Gorby is.]

Yes, Betty's family is great.

Oh, and John Stamos was on Conan last night. Uncle Jesse! Yes, now Chelsea is going to think about Joey Gladstone... bwahaha.


Chelsea is a Sassy Black Lady.

Oh my dear lord, Chelsea is the highlight of my summer. Why, you may ask?

Q: Who smears red lipstick all over her face and leaves it there allll night?
A: Chelsea.

Q: Who discovers her inner sassy black lady and spends the rest of the night adding "bitches" to the end of every sentence?
A: Chelsea

Q: Who invented the Sexy Dance?
A: Chelsea

Q: Who names her body parts [Bonnie and Clyde, specifically]?
A: Chelsea

Q: Who has not Mountain Dew but Mountain Fury at her house?
A: Chelsea

Q: Who do I have deep discussions with set to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack?
A: Chelsea

Now, for the extra credit portion of the test:

Q: How long did the Mountain Fury make me hyper?
A: Two minutes. Or three.

Q: How long did Chelsea laugh at my random hyperness for?
A: About five minutes.

Q: What grade did I get in DDR
A: B!

Q: Which Golden Girl am I? Which Golden Girl is Chelsea?
A: Kellie is Dorothy and Chelsea is Rose.

Yes. Best night ever.

Oh, and today? "Park Place Lane"? Margo and Katie, you are my freshmen.


Fake Kids and Mermaids

So, according to kindergarteners, Little Buddy and I are "fake kids." This is because we were sitting behing a large board in order to make noise, and so of course the little dorks peeked and loudly shouted, "THERE ARE KIDS BACK THERE!" to which one of the other kids replied, "I think she has fake kids."

Yes. This week has fully cemented why I am never going to have children. Ever. And please don't be all adultish and tell me that I'll change my mind when I'm older. Kids under the age of ten are all little brats who ask stupid questions and raise their hands only to say "I forgot." And that is a fact.

Oh, another exciting part of my summer days are telephone chats with my Chelsea. Yesterday, we were looking at an online gallery of lacrosse pictures from the Notre Dame-vs.-Bay Port game. We were talking about sexy muscular boys when Chelsea randomly collapses into giggles, a lot of giggles which are followed by a very very loud thunk.

Me: Chelsea, are you okay?!
Chelsea: Yeah. I'm fine. Well, I fell off my chair and I have a big red mark, but other than that.
Me: Oh god. What was so funny?
Chelsea: There's this picture of Brooker. And he looks like a mermaid! Brooker is a mermaid!
[More manic laughter from both Chelsea and I.]

The picture really is somewhat mermaidish, and it raises the question on how he actually remains standing.

Yes, so I don't update for all of three days, and suddenly I'm fake and Brooker is a mermaid.

Truly, nothing ever happens during summer.


Crazy Dove Lady

I have not posted in quite a while. The play closed on Saturday. It was so fun, and I will miss everyone so much. Everyone was just so funny and nice and generally insane. The parties were a blast, as were practices. Perhaps later I will post a list of a great many funny things that were said, all of which will be quite enjoyable.

Today was the first day of Vacation Bible School working drama with Betty and Little Peep. Oh, goodness. I love those girls so. Anyway, it went well, except for the whole element of getting hit with flying glow sticks, and the CD player even worked.

Afterward, we went to Betty and Little Peep's house to watch The OC. I somehow got addicted to games on disneychannel.com on the laptop, and then we watched the Michael Jackson verdict with their mom. This was very humorous because they kept showing the crazy obsessive Wacko Jacko fans outside the courthouse.

"Don't these people have jobs?" -Betty and Little Peep's mom

These were your general run-of-the-mill psychotics, you know, "Innocent Until Proven Innocent" signs and the whole thing, until Crazy Dove Lady showed up. This woman had ten doves in a box, and for each time he was announced not guilty on a charge, she would kiss a dove and send it flying into the air. By the end, we all really wanted him to be charged guilty of something, just to make Crazy Dove Lady upset, but to no avail. So Crazy Dove Lady, who is definitely unstable, remained happy, which, considering her apparent instability, was likely for the better of society. Of course, Betty and Little Peep's mom had quite a lot to say about the crazies and the verdict. But mostly about the crazies.

"Stop kissing the doves! Doesn't that lady know how dirty those birds are?!"

"Look at that sign. 'Michael, on behalf of humanity, I'm sorry.' What?! Humanity? Don't you think that's just a little strong? I certainly am not sorry! Jeez, Louise."

Then in the car, listening to the radio, they said that they couldn't tell Michael's expression, and I shouted something rather loudly about that being a side effect of his numerous plastic surgeries. Which is true.

Oh, le sigh, do I love thunderstorms.


Pickering His Nose

Today was fun stuff, "studying" with Chelsea. Oh, god. We seriously did no actual studying. Some tutor I am.

Chels: Who's Joe Pickering?
Me: I don't know.
Chels and I, at the same time: Pickering his nose!

Yes, pretty much the highlight of my day.

I feel almost like I'm writing too much lately, just not on here. There just aren't the daily instances there are during the school year, my pretties.


"Then, BAM! The bitch fairy came and slapped her on the ass." -Chelsea

Wow. Longest blogging drought ever. Very sorry. It is just much harder to blog when my summer is being eaten, and you all should just start getting used to it because I'm not going to be here from July 12 to August 10. And my computer is very slow.

Last night after the church picnic (dear lord), I slept over at Betty's. Fun times with my OC DVDs, yes.

Also, the people who go to my church really are idiots and they don't know the first thing about tickets.

My keyboard is stupid and Squirrel's 1.5 hour stories are the highlights of not only cast parties but our lives. Send me money, puh-leeeze. Late-night blogging should be taken away from me, for serious.