"He'll sit there and go, Dipsy... Po... Dipsy... Po. I honestly don't think he knows colors. Just Teletubbies."


Less Inappropriate

My tale begins at the Phone-A-Thon, or as Mr. B oh-so-wittily calls it "the Fun-A-Thon." This involved gaudy 80s sunglasses, me sounding like a secretary robot, Pencil Case sounding like a pimp or a used car salesman, Chelsea making ridiculously amusing faces, too many misspeaks, making Pencil Case laugh in the middle of his phone calls, sarcasm battles between Mr. B and I, and Maggie stealing my prize in the last twenty seconds of competition. Here are some of the best quotes and/or misspeaks.

Kate, calling someone named Paul: Hi, this is Paul, calling for Kate.

Me, on what I'm pretty sure was Adult Hermione's answering machine: Hi, this is Notre Dame Academy's Phone-A-Thon 2005. We'll get back to you at a...um... less inappropriate time. Thank you. Have a great night.

Chelsea: Um, Mr. B? What do I put down if the person died?

Me: Hey, I made 200 dollars my last call and you didn't give me a prize! (Mr. B whacks me with a snap bracelet, or, as Maggie and I referred to them all night, a la I Love the 80s, "pre-teen pre-bondage.")

Pencil Case: Okay. I just got this guy's wife, and she said, "Sorry, he's in Mexico hunting pujawas or something."

Anyway, despite all of this, French Club made a whopping 17,000 dollars. We are, in fact, the best and smoked everyone else. And to think we were only focused upon beating Spanish Club. (If we focused on beating them more often, we could be running this school, I think.)

Today was Senora G's birthday. Pencil Case and I were just bumming around, talking to Kayleigh, and Madame pops her head in the door and says, "Pencil Case! Kellinka! Come with me!" and so we did. She announced that we would be going to sing Senora G "Happy Birthday", which we did. Senora G was very happy and hugged us all. I love Senora G so much that I almost miss going to musical crew, because in Kellinka-speak, "going to musical crew" means "going to chat with Senora G." Anyway, Madame said to Senora G, "Yes, I brought my posse" which made Pencil Case and I feel very special.

Then, in French class, we had a small discussion about cow tipping.

Pencil Case: I went cow tipping once in Colorado Springs.
Madame: You did not. Do you know how many people it takes to tip over a cow?
Me: How would you know?
Kayleigh: I really want to go cow tipping.
Madame: Do you know how many people it takes to tip a cow? Cows are heavy.
Pencil Case: It took us four.
Madame: Yeah right. And then when you've finally tipped the cow over, well, do you know how long it takes the cow to get back up?
Pencil Case: A very long time, yes, that is the funny part.
Madame: It's mean!
Me: How do you know this much about cow tipping?! Have you been cow tipping?
Madame: No, I just saw that movie. What is it called.... oh, yes, Tommy Boy.

Well, whenever I think of Tommy Boy, I think of the "fat man in a little coat" song. So did Van Chelsing. So, for the rest of class, I basically sang "fat man in a little coat" and danced my hover dance, as Chelsea calls it.

Madame: Kellinka. You need to stop singing and dancing.
Me: It's all your fault, Madame. You mentioned Tommy Boy and I immediately thought of the "fat man in a little coat" song.
Madame, singing: Fat man in a little coat.

Yes, my life is complete now that Madame has sung the "fat man in a little coat" song.

Sadly, though, the rest of my day was, as usual, not as entertaining. Except for when Poppa G did not actually give us our English test that I hadn't studied for, that was pretty cool. But it meant we had to deal with certain idiotic people attempting to talk through my head.

In ICP, Adult Hermione and I had a lovely discussion about why I am not going to take Honors Bio. (Well, the first being that I am afraid of the teacher, but I kind of failed to mention that.)

Today we had discussion in history, also, which made it slightly better than usual. Although I got all the points B-Squared was subtly trying to make before he could actually make them. He would be saying something sort of vague, and I would say, "Are you getting at (point he was going to make after he got done babbling.)" And, in return, I recieved a "very perceptive." Still, it didn't make up for the fact that I have not learned a damn thing in his class.

Thank you, Van Chelsing, for introducing me to this genius webpage.


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