"He'll sit there and go, Dipsy... Po... Dipsy... Po. I honestly don't think he knows colors. Just Teletubbies."

1.30.2005

"Jenny, god, shut up and stop being retarded!"

The title is just an example of the random things you hear at the Fox River Mall. And not even, believe it or not, from La Mere. No, from La Mere, you hear, "Oh, cool, I could totally see me killing myself in those shoes!" and "Excuse me, Mr. Red Hat Big Hat Man!"

Here is the saddest part: I went shopping for shoes for Sweetheart Switch and came back with:
1. A $10 silk-and-cashmere white cardigan with vintage-looking buttons from Express.
2. Two half-price lipglosses from Bath and Body Works' Tutti Dolci collection (I went with Creme Brulee and Angel Food Cake.)
3. "Espresso"-colored 40%-off Liz Claiborne knee boots.
4. No shoes for SS, but a strong feeling that I am a materialistic whore.

So, for a grand total of about 60 dollars, I accomplished nothing. Go me. After this excursion of pointlessness and my mother declaring DSW Shoe Wearhouse "a haven for crazed drunkards" (not an understatement), we decided to drive home to grab a bite to eat.

First we tried Red Robin. Well, actually, first I complained all the way home about how much I hate waiting at restaurants and how Green Bay is a hick village for not taking reservations. Then we tried Red Robin. Despite their misleading open-door-lookingness, they were not open. No, they were having a training. But we could have a free dinner on Thursday, Friday, or Saturday nights with a time and a reservation. La Mere chose Friday night, as that is my birthday. Free dinner and no waiting, what a birthday meal. It appeals to the cheapskate in my father, the impatient bitch in me, Red Robin has chicken salads for La Mere, and Ricky will eat just about anything, except maybe his own arm. Even then, it's just a maybe.

We then decided Los Banditos would be a good choice. From the second we got back in the car until the minute we got to the front counter, we discussed the French Revolution and the Russian Revolution. We talked about why Europe has more interesting revolutions and better ruling families. Also, I actually said aloud, "Everything I know about hemophilia, I learned from Alexei Romanov!" as if the Tsarevich actually taught me about hemophilia. Anyway, luckily, front desk lady cut us off before my mother started in on her communism guilt, which she would still be talking about right now. Front desk lady said it would be an hour wait, and, since it was already 7:20 and we were too hungry, we drove back into Ashwaubenon to eat at Noodles and Company.

The Purell commericals in which they play "Can't Touch This" are really quite similar to a glimpse into Maggie's life, I've decided. Wait-- no. They are a glimpse into Maggie's life!

"Just a second. Okay. I'm back. I had to practice my sexy stance."

On the way home, while discussing 80s dance songs (La Mere and I have greatly random discussions), we stopped at Family Video and picked up a box of Cookie Dough Bites and Kill Bill Vols. 1 and 2. We immediately plopped down on the couch to watch them and eat our Cookie Dough Bites. We finished all of the first one, which was great: quick-paced, uberviolent, funny. The best part was O-Ren Ishii's backstory told in totally gory Anime, or the end with the battle between O-Ren and The Bride and everything following it. I love that all the blood effects are totally blown out of proportion, along with all the random spray and squirt sounds that come with them. And the background music is complete brilliance. "Wiggle your big toe." We only got 45 minutes into the second one, though, because it was almost midnight and we were both too tired.

Today, I went to work at D's for a few hours. Stary was there, as was D's mom and Stary's mom, and it all led to much hilarity. Stary's impression of a certain person was just about the highlight of my life thus far.

D's Mom: The crotches of men's pants are the ruination of women.

D, talking about pants: Well, sometimes you have to do a leg before you do a crotch.
[Stary walks in and takes the comment totally out of context.]
D, playing along: Oh, don't give me that. We all want to do a crotch now and then.
Me: My virgin ears!
D: Bullshit.

Stary: That's all kids ever say, tight. [Various Amusing Voices:] That's tight, I'm so tight, you're tight. [ End of Various Amusing Voices]

Oh, and, by the way, let's welcome our new blog reader, Senora G. Yes, Senora G, I know you are reading this, my friends in the secret police told me so. Actually, when I say "friends in the secret police" I mean "Pencil Case." Feel free to leave a comment, Senora G, or just place a bet on how long it will be before Principal reads my blog, what with Madame's insane blog-pimping. Really, the whole foreign language department reads it, but they should definitely (hint, hint) be leaving more comments...

1 Comments:

Blogger Pencil Case babbled mindlessly...

Wow. Musical practice was fun. I pretty much talked with Abby Gapinski about Girl-Dawg reading our blogs and my hatred toward LOTR (By the way, add Kill Bill to my list of hated films). You should have went to the Fox River Mall today, seeing as how I was there. I would have much rather heard "Jenny, god, shut up and stop being retarded!" than the sales clerk at Abercrombie telling me to "Keep my trap shut if I want to stay in the store" when I asked her if the moose on the wall was real, and if it was, did she kill it.

9:53 PM

 

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