"He'll sit there and go, Dipsy... Po... Dipsy... Po. I honestly don't think he knows colors. Just Teletubbies."

1.31.2005

Rock On, Little Dude!

Oh, the things Van Chelsing says to aggravate Kate's ex-boyfriends. And then, the stories Van Chelsing tells on the way to English.

We had dialogues in French today. Chelsea and I did pretty well, and Paul and Maggie just insulted each other. "You suck." "Well, tu es gross!" "Tu es mal at francais!" I was rather upset that I didn't get to hear Pencil Case's, though, since it is apparently all for me.

Okay, I think there is some sort of ingredient of Comtrex that makes me remember no part of my day, so we're just going to fast forward to lunch, which is much more interesting.

Before lunch, Maggie and I went to ask Madame about our dialogue grades, and ended up chatting with Madame and Emily about the randomest things ever for a long amount of time. The best part was when Emily was talking about her frumpy costume for the musical, and Madame said she thinks that secretaries from the 80s dressed like Mrs. Doubtfire, and then said, "So you're fifty. Big deal. You can be fifty and fabulous, not frumpy." (Disclaimer: Emily is not actually fifty, her character is.) Then Madame sent us down to lunch, because she thinks that, for some reason, when 11:19 rolls around, it is mandatory that I eat something, lest I combust. She also told Emily to "make sure Kellinka actually eats something, not like a cucumber, but French fries or something." It was very odd.

Maggie and I ventured downstairs, then, to eat. We actually ventured downstairs to buy our data matches, which were hilarious. Paul was, of course, on Maggie's list, and vice versa. I am totally incompatible with anyone in our class, and most compatible with Drummer Boy Who Wears Chick Pants. Woohoo. We ate in about three minutes, and, yes, I had fries, not "a cucumber."

My nose has been running like a spigot all day. Oh, I'm sure that sentence just made all my male readers fall madly in love with me. Freaking Comtrex.

On the way up the stairs from art, Ulcer Boy attempted to accost Pencil Case and I. We just mocked him and told him not to give himself an ulcer. Then there was an odd mashment of conversation with Pencil Case, Chelsea, Erik, and I. Actually, Erik just got trampled by Chelsea and shoued "whoa!" on the way to talk to Pencil Case as I was walking in the other direction. Or something of that nature.

1.30.2005

"Jenny, god, shut up and stop being retarded!"

The title is just an example of the random things you hear at the Fox River Mall. And not even, believe it or not, from La Mere. No, from La Mere, you hear, "Oh, cool, I could totally see me killing myself in those shoes!" and "Excuse me, Mr. Red Hat Big Hat Man!"

Here is the saddest part: I went shopping for shoes for Sweetheart Switch and came back with:
1. A $10 silk-and-cashmere white cardigan with vintage-looking buttons from Express.
2. Two half-price lipglosses from Bath and Body Works' Tutti Dolci collection (I went with Creme Brulee and Angel Food Cake.)
3. "Espresso"-colored 40%-off Liz Claiborne knee boots.
4. No shoes for SS, but a strong feeling that I am a materialistic whore.

So, for a grand total of about 60 dollars, I accomplished nothing. Go me. After this excursion of pointlessness and my mother declaring DSW Shoe Wearhouse "a haven for crazed drunkards" (not an understatement), we decided to drive home to grab a bite to eat.

First we tried Red Robin. Well, actually, first I complained all the way home about how much I hate waiting at restaurants and how Green Bay is a hick village for not taking reservations. Then we tried Red Robin. Despite their misleading open-door-lookingness, they were not open. No, they were having a training. But we could have a free dinner on Thursday, Friday, or Saturday nights with a time and a reservation. La Mere chose Friday night, as that is my birthday. Free dinner and no waiting, what a birthday meal. It appeals to the cheapskate in my father, the impatient bitch in me, Red Robin has chicken salads for La Mere, and Ricky will eat just about anything, except maybe his own arm. Even then, it's just a maybe.

We then decided Los Banditos would be a good choice. From the second we got back in the car until the minute we got to the front counter, we discussed the French Revolution and the Russian Revolution. We talked about why Europe has more interesting revolutions and better ruling families. Also, I actually said aloud, "Everything I know about hemophilia, I learned from Alexei Romanov!" as if the Tsarevich actually taught me about hemophilia. Anyway, luckily, front desk lady cut us off before my mother started in on her communism guilt, which she would still be talking about right now. Front desk lady said it would be an hour wait, and, since it was already 7:20 and we were too hungry, we drove back into Ashwaubenon to eat at Noodles and Company.

The Purell commericals in which they play "Can't Touch This" are really quite similar to a glimpse into Maggie's life, I've decided. Wait-- no. They are a glimpse into Maggie's life!

"Just a second. Okay. I'm back. I had to practice my sexy stance."

On the way home, while discussing 80s dance songs (La Mere and I have greatly random discussions), we stopped at Family Video and picked up a box of Cookie Dough Bites and Kill Bill Vols. 1 and 2. We immediately plopped down on the couch to watch them and eat our Cookie Dough Bites. We finished all of the first one, which was great: quick-paced, uberviolent, funny. The best part was O-Ren Ishii's backstory told in totally gory Anime, or the end with the battle between O-Ren and The Bride and everything following it. I love that all the blood effects are totally blown out of proportion, along with all the random spray and squirt sounds that come with them. And the background music is complete brilliance. "Wiggle your big toe." We only got 45 minutes into the second one, though, because it was almost midnight and we were both too tired.

Today, I went to work at D's for a few hours. Stary was there, as was D's mom and Stary's mom, and it all led to much hilarity. Stary's impression of a certain person was just about the highlight of my life thus far.

D's Mom: The crotches of men's pants are the ruination of women.

D, talking about pants: Well, sometimes you have to do a leg before you do a crotch.
[Stary walks in and takes the comment totally out of context.]
D, playing along: Oh, don't give me that. We all want to do a crotch now and then.
Me: My virgin ears!
D: Bullshit.

Stary: That's all kids ever say, tight. [Various Amusing Voices:] That's tight, I'm so tight, you're tight. [ End of Various Amusing Voices]

Oh, and, by the way, let's welcome our new blog reader, Senora G. Yes, Senora G, I know you are reading this, my friends in the secret police told me so. Actually, when I say "friends in the secret police" I mean "Pencil Case." Feel free to leave a comment, Senora G, or just place a bet on how long it will be before Principal reads my blog, what with Madame's insane blog-pimping. Really, the whole foreign language department reads it, but they should definitely (hint, hint) be leaving more comments...

1.29.2005

Come On Eileen

The ska version of "Come On Eileen" is just about the coolest thing I've heard since the beginning of this year.

So, I feel like crap. I went home from school yesterday and crashed on the couch watching the Style Network. We have had the Style Network on our TV for about a week and I've already seen the same episode of The Look For Less three times, which makes me hate that show. Anyway, La Mere comes home and thinks I'm upstairs, and then goes to watch TV but realizes I've crashed on the couch and then I retardedly pull a muscle trying to sit up. La Mere decides that I shouldn't have even bothered to go to school and that I can't sleep over at Maggie's because I'd get everyone else sick and be like Typhoid Mary. Thanks, Mom.

I still went to Maggie's for a bit, though, for the cake and presents bit. Bet is the funniest person ever. I was so discombobulated the whole time, though. Maggie was Stuart, too, which was so funny. And La Mere and Maggie's mom basically drank the whole time, woohoo. We discussed pidgeontoed cows and other things.

Molly: Well, we'll just ask her late at night. She won't remember.
Me: Exactly. It will be like a hangover.

Chelsea: Lying sack of crap!

Maggie's Mom: God, Maggie, would you stop doing the Stuart thing?!

Vicky: Yeah, I like the smell of Axe, but if you put too much on... well, that's like Axe murder!

I woke up at quarter to six this morning coughing like I have tuberculosis. Anyway, instead of even bothering to fall asleep again, I actually woke up and started doing things. What kind of a sane American does that? A not-sane American, that is what.

Report cards finally came home today. My god, it's only been two freaking weeks since exams. Or something like that. I don't know, but I also don't care, because I'm on the honor roll and geeking out over it. Cough medicine is wacky. I'm going shoe shopping with La Mere now.

Maybe sometime tomorrow I will write something that is not a useless piece of crap like this entry, but if not, I'll write on Monday.

1.28.2005

Throw Apples at Cute Boys

Well, finally, an eventful day comes along that isn't the birth of my evil-genius Maggie. It's seven days until my birthday, as I dutifully remind everyone. Even while reading announcements! The funny part is, that when I threw that in there, only about five people noticed. Anyway, Stary enjoys antagonizing Chelsea through the announcements.

During French we worked on our dialogues again. Mine and Chelsea's is brilliant, and apparently Pencil Case and Christine's is going to be a shrine to me or something. It better be good, or I will knock Pencil Case flat onto his ass. It took Chelsea and I about four million ideas to get our good draft of the dialogue from her inbox, too, but oh well. Anyway, then we watched more Anastasia. Dimitri is the hottest cartoon ever, seriously. Maggie and I talked about how cool it would be to be old royalty, even if all the serfs hated you.

English, I somehow magically got a 93 on my test. And ICP, I not so magically bombed my quiz. During theology, I chose not to pay attention, which made Toe Touches think I was sleeping. Theology was where I felt my most ill and coughed up the most lung today, except history.

Anyway, the big administrative gossip (which I knew about before hand... oh how I love having connections...) today is that the school hired a new president. Who just so happens to be one of my family's closest friends. What a coinkiedink. He also wants my friends and me to come visit him, which is amusing. I happen to know this because he told me on Wednesday.

Finally something interesting happened in history. A summons to Adult Hermione's room... dun dun dun. Yes, I'm going to be an usher for the musical, with Van Chelsing, woohoo. Very exciting, but my sides ache from coughing too hard. I'm going to go read People, and other highly intelligent magazines we keep here at the NDA library.

I just looked at my SiteMeter and so many computers from the school are visiting this blog. And not just at the times when I know Maggie, Chelsea, and Pencil Case's study hall are. Color me weirded out.

1.27.2005

Happy Birthday, Maggie Dearest!

It's Maggie's fifteenth birthday. If you don't sing "Happy Birthday" to Maggie when you read this, I'll have to disown you as a blog reader.

This post is brought to you by the handy-dandy feature that lets one email posts to his or her blog. This is a very cool feature, because it works.

I went to school very, very early this morning to wrap Maggie's locker. See, Maggie usually gets to school rather early, so I figured I had to get there even earlier. Of course, though, this is the one day of the year when Maggie is later than usual. Anyway, Maggie's mumsy brought delicious cupcakes, which we ate in French.

Vocabulary quiz in French... oh man. I couldn't remember the word for shrimp, so I put down "des petits poissons" (little fish.) Then I completely didn't understand the fill-in-the-blank dialogue portion, but, after Maggie and I talked to Madame about how we completely didn't understand the fill-in-the-blank dialogue portion, I don't think I did so bad because, so long as it makes sense, it's not wrong. That was comforting. Anyway, in our dialogue, Chelsea and I are [this phrase has been deleted, as it is not for your eyes.]

English....other than totally bombing my test, I finally told the people who keep talking through my head to shut up. Then I went to ICP and thanked Adult Hermione for her excellent secondhand advice (which I heard on behalf of Mags and Chels.) She was so proud of me, which was hilarious. "Good for you! If I was your English teacher, I would have clapped for you, seriously. We need more kids like you, kids who tell rude people to shut up!"

Sadly, I can't even remember what we did in theology. Part of me is too tired, the other part just really doesn't care. During lunch, Maggie and I walked in a circle totally around the school, stopping by to ask Madame questions about the quiz. Then we helped Madame remember what she said we were going to do next week, I reminded her that my birthday is next Friday (hint, HINT) several dozen times, a la Maggie, and we watched Zoolander for a bit. Gasoline fights and eugoogolizers, woohoo.

Math was noteable because I actually understood it. Art was not because Barbie, for once, didn't say anything stupid. Pencil Case kept talking about why foreign people are funny and antagonized me, then he was amazed to find out that Johnny Cash was dead. After he asked me if Johnny Cash was dead, he said, "Oh my god. I'm turning into Barbie, aren't I?" I replied, "No. Barbie would ask, 'Who is Johnny Cash?'"

We got to watch a horribly boring Nightline tape in history. It was about conflict between the Middle East and the United States after September 11th, which would have been more interesting if it was not the same thing over and over again, and if it did not involve Tom Brokaw.

I would like to say somthing cryptic about last night's going ons that only Chelsea and Maggie will be clued into, but it would sound dirty, when it was really just me being sassy and confrontational. Moreso than usual, I mean, but I would have to say for myself that it was fairly awesome. Was that cryptic enough?

More importantly... Happy birthday, Maggie, my sick twisted evil genius obsessive compulsive mec. We should go raid the Purell factory and grafitti the bathroom walls with Marks-A-Lot in celebration tonight. (That was code-speak for "Maggie deserves a hell of a lot of cake.")

1.26.2005

Less Inappropriate

My tale begins at the Phone-A-Thon, or as Mr. B oh-so-wittily calls it "the Fun-A-Thon." This involved gaudy 80s sunglasses, me sounding like a secretary robot, Pencil Case sounding like a pimp or a used car salesman, Chelsea making ridiculously amusing faces, too many misspeaks, making Pencil Case laugh in the middle of his phone calls, sarcasm battles between Mr. B and I, and Maggie stealing my prize in the last twenty seconds of competition. Here are some of the best quotes and/or misspeaks.

Kate, calling someone named Paul: Hi, this is Paul, calling for Kate.

Me, on what I'm pretty sure was Adult Hermione's answering machine: Hi, this is Notre Dame Academy's Phone-A-Thon 2005. We'll get back to you at a...um... less inappropriate time. Thank you. Have a great night.

Chelsea: Um, Mr. B? What do I put down if the person died?

Me: Hey, I made 200 dollars my last call and you didn't give me a prize! (Mr. B whacks me with a snap bracelet, or, as Maggie and I referred to them all night, a la I Love the 80s, "pre-teen pre-bondage.")

Pencil Case: Okay. I just got this guy's wife, and she said, "Sorry, he's in Mexico hunting pujawas or something."

Anyway, despite all of this, French Club made a whopping 17,000 dollars. We are, in fact, the best and smoked everyone else. And to think we were only focused upon beating Spanish Club. (If we focused on beating them more often, we could be running this school, I think.)

Today was Senora G's birthday. Pencil Case and I were just bumming around, talking to Kayleigh, and Madame pops her head in the door and says, "Pencil Case! Kellinka! Come with me!" and so we did. She announced that we would be going to sing Senora G "Happy Birthday", which we did. Senora G was very happy and hugged us all. I love Senora G so much that I almost miss going to musical crew, because in Kellinka-speak, "going to musical crew" means "going to chat with Senora G." Anyway, Madame said to Senora G, "Yes, I brought my posse" which made Pencil Case and I feel very special.

Then, in French class, we had a small discussion about cow tipping.

Pencil Case: I went cow tipping once in Colorado Springs.
Madame: You did not. Do you know how many people it takes to tip over a cow?
Me: How would you know?
Kayleigh: I really want to go cow tipping.
Madame: Do you know how many people it takes to tip a cow? Cows are heavy.
Pencil Case: It took us four.
Madame: Yeah right. And then when you've finally tipped the cow over, well, do you know how long it takes the cow to get back up?
Pencil Case: A very long time, yes, that is the funny part.
Madame: It's mean!
Me: How do you know this much about cow tipping?! Have you been cow tipping?
Madame: No, I just saw that movie. What is it called.... oh, yes, Tommy Boy.

Well, whenever I think of Tommy Boy, I think of the "fat man in a little coat" song. So did Van Chelsing. So, for the rest of class, I basically sang "fat man in a little coat" and danced my hover dance, as Chelsea calls it.

Madame: Kellinka. You need to stop singing and dancing.
Me: It's all your fault, Madame. You mentioned Tommy Boy and I immediately thought of the "fat man in a little coat" song.
Madame, singing: Fat man in a little coat.

Yes, my life is complete now that Madame has sung the "fat man in a little coat" song.

Sadly, though, the rest of my day was, as usual, not as entertaining. Except for when Poppa G did not actually give us our English test that I hadn't studied for, that was pretty cool. But it meant we had to deal with certain idiotic people attempting to talk through my head.

In ICP, Adult Hermione and I had a lovely discussion about why I am not going to take Honors Bio. (Well, the first being that I am afraid of the teacher, but I kind of failed to mention that.)

Today we had discussion in history, also, which made it slightly better than usual. Although I got all the points B-Squared was subtly trying to make before he could actually make them. He would be saying something sort of vague, and I would say, "Are you getting at (point he was going to make after he got done babbling.)" And, in return, I recieved a "very perceptive." Still, it didn't make up for the fact that I have not learned a damn thing in his class.

Thank you, Van Chelsing, for introducing me to this genius webpage.

1.25.2005

Non-Love Letter to Blogger.

Dear Blogger,

Thank you for being a whore and eating three of my posts in the past week. I hope, sometime after I send a rude, carefully-worded email to the service help, you shape the hell up.

Have a Romy and Michele Day!*
Kellinka

* this is how La Mere genuinely signs her emails.


P.S.: I don't suppose I can leave you all without some words of wisdom from Madame, so here you go, dutiful readers (unless, of course, Blogger, the cannibal, eats this entry.) :

"I like the IGA milk, but not the Kamp's milk. It tastes too much like cow for me. It's too cowwy."

"Well, maybe someone takes a bunch of ketchup packets from McDonald's, and sits at home, squeezing them into the bottle. Everyone has their hobbies."

1.24.2005

You're Fired

I am not even going to bother typing about my fiercely boring weekend. Well, except that Tundra Lodge trains its lifeguards with "unannounced mannequin drops" and that, as much as La Mere enjoys insisting, I never dropped my sock in the toilet. No, that was Ricky, being his evil ADHD self.

So, the big gossip today is that Ms. T, our new Spanish teacher, was fired. Except that, unlike William Hung dying of a drug overdose, this is actually true. Oh, well. I know nothing of her, since I am a Frenchie to the core of my being, but Pencil Case is "devastated." Because apparently she helped him with his math homework once.

Today during art class, Pencil Case was, as usual, tormenting and antagonizing Barbie.

Barbie: What?!
Pam: He's just teasing you, hon.
Barbie, very shrilly: What did you just call me?!?!

Pencil Case and I mocked her the rest of class, saying, "What did you just call me?" until Barbie went, "Pencil Case! It is not that funny!" But it was. It was, actually, hilarious.

The assembly today was so ridiculously long. And, as usual, behavior problems up the whatever because of the new seating arrangement. I mean, it's not like we didn't have enough behavior problems with assigned seats. But I had a good time, sitting next to Van Chelsing, talking the whole time. It was about two hours long, I am not even joking. By the time we got out, we had twenty minutes left of fourth period on a regular schedule, yet we still had to sit through third and fourth hour before we could actually go to lunch. Augh.

According to Paul, I type as if I've just smoked fifty pounds of crack. Pencil Case had the infamous club drug pamphlet in his shirt pocket today, then he wondered why rumors were starting about him being hooked on ecstacy.

1.21.2005

Pooka

Today was almost a non-event, except for the fact that Chellie was back! I melted into a pile of mush out of sheer ridonkulous excitement. And my green notebook, the famous green notebook of the helping hand, is back. Of course it was in the French room, where it probably was all along. I am an idiot.

Pencil Case- I'm sorry you're gone. Your backpack awaits you in the main office.

Today for Fun French Friday, we watched Anastasia. We really wanted to watch Napoleon Dynamite, but that did not have a French language track, and then we really wanted to watch Zoolander, but since we are stupid French I kids, we only get to watch little kid movies. So we decided to watch the hilarious semi-musical historically inaccurate film involving hot cartoon men named Dimitri. This made me so excited. Madame quite enjoyed the fact that they spoke French with really, really bad Russian accents. Chelsea and I sat in the beanbags and giggled whenever they said the word "Pooka." Yes, because Pooka is my most embarassing of nicknames. If Pencil Case had been there, he would have shouted, "OH MY GOD! THAT IS KELLINKA'S NICKNAME!" Yes, that would have been amusing for everyone except me.

I'm off to Tundra Lodge with ma famille for the weekend. I am pretty sure I love (read: hate more than anything, even TV dinners) the way my family communicates. Here is an example from five minutes ago:

Me: So, I am working the Phone-A-Thon on Tuesday from 4 to 9 with French Club.
Das Vater: Well, I should be able to get you there by 4:30.
Me: Um, maybe I'll just ask someone for a ride.
Das Vater: Didn't you just say Maggie said it was okay if you were late?
Me: No. I didn't say anything about Maggie.

Yes, this is the way it goes. Person One says something, while Person Two is not listening. Person Two decides, then, to make up things that Person One could have said, then Two gets very, very upset when One declares that he or she has not said any of those invented, concocted things. Person One, usually me, gets upset because she is tired of listening to these people blather on when they won't even bother to listen to her.

This was also demonstrated yesterday when I had a French Club meeting. I told my parental units about eight days ago that I would have this meeting, and that one of them would need to give me a ride to school. La Mere was doing carpool for Ricky and his friends, so it was Das Vater's job to drop me off there. And what does Das Vater do on Wednesday night? He schedules breakfast at 6:30 the next morning, thereby being a selfish, inconsiderate infidel and making me very, very late to the meeting, since I had to take the bus. Which tapped into my hatred of public transportation, particularly public transportation that could be avoided if not for fathers who are selfish, inconsiderate infidels.

That is my rant for the day. In analyzing this situation, I think the reason I am such a verbal person is because I'm used to being the only person in my family who has communication skills. This entry was so much longer than expected.

There was, according to Betty Jean, a rumor going around school today that William Hung died of a drug overdose. Very entertaining, but (sadly) not true. But it led to hilarity with Breanna saying, "He banged!" with hand gestures.

Les Miz was so good. I loved it to pieces, and I even teared up at the end, which is very unlike me. The little boy was so adorable, and I finally figured out who Eponine was. I had no idea who she was at the NDA production of it in seventh grade, because I sat very close to the pit orchestra, which lead to deafness and complete confusion. Margo, KT, Keenan, Emma, and Jacob were all there, and Jacob stayed late to get autographs. It was, by far, the best musical production I have ever seen.

1.20.2005

Club Drugs

Today was far too eventful. I will tell it in sections, since Blogger is a bitch and ate my original hilarious draft of this entry that was probably the best entry I've ever written.


We began, as usual, in French class.

Everyone was in a very argumentative mood, for no reason at all. Madame told us gross tales about why you should wash jars before you eat from them, multiplied Maggie's germophobia exponentially, and then went on a big rant about how you cannot teach two-year-olds etiquette. She said, "You can't teach a two-year-old etiquette! They will still stick their fingers in their noses and say, Mommy! Look what I have!" She even did the last part in a two-year-old voice, which was so entertaining.

Anyway, Pencil Case decided, somewhere in his convoluted mind, "Hey! It is time for me to make up another tale of Super Brooker!" This one involved Super Brooker chastizing Coca-Cola boycotting nuns. I shouted at Pencil Case for being a liar and yelled, "This is exactly like last week at study tables when you made up that story about Super Brooker making out with his wife by the water fountains!" As you can see, it had already been a long morning.

Since my comment apparently just took things too far, Madame said, "Pencil Case! Kellinka! I am sending you down to Student Services to resolve your issues!" We dutifully followed her orders, and the Student Services people told us to go into this little room at the end of the hall, which I call The Broom Closet, and write a plan. We threw together a very nice-sounding plan of lies and gave it to Madame.

But, since it had been a long morning, I was still having issues. Madame had given us passes to our next class, and since Pencil Case and I were in no hurry to get to theology and English, we were sitting in the hallway, discussing why this week has sucked. Such as Van Chelsing still not being back from her sick leave. Anyway, Madame comes up the stairs, asks us what we're still doing, and sends us to Student Services, this time to talk to an actual counselor like we were supposed to the first time.

We were banished to the broom closet again for a good ten minutes. We laughed at pamphlets about club drugs, and then we saw the Counselor. The Counselor determined that our problem is that we are too close and so we know how to push each other's buttons. She wrote this in a note to Madame, which Pencil Case and I had to sign and give to her. Since it was well into second hour, we walked right into the second French I class, where all of the students laughed at us.

I spent the rest of the day alternating between upset and ridiculous. Church was unendingly long, and involved joking around with Maggie, having water splashed on my face, and breaking my candle when I did not actually mean to. Also, 98% of that time, I felt, as usual, like passing out. Then I traversed onto ICP, where Adult Hermione had to take Kirschling down again, and to theology.

Pencil Case and I decided, politely, to go apologize to Madame. She said, "Apology accepted." Then added, "Oh, and I talked to Mr. Brooker. Yeah, he never yelled at a nun yesterday. You were lying, Pencil Case." Pencil Case tried to defend himself, I laughed at the fact that I was right, and then Madame told us, "Skeedaddle bedaddle." That was the worst rhyme I'd ever heard in my life, and I told her that, but we followed her orders.

On the way to lunch, I realized that all the flyers for Sweetheart Switch spelled "Ours" with an apostrophe, so I spent a good ten minutes of my lunch period wielding a Sharpie like a madwoman, slashing out extraneous apostrophes. Stary thanked me for my dutiful actions as a Grammar Nazi.

The rest of the day was, I would have to say, very dull. At least until after eighth period, when Pencil Case chose to antagonize me again. I pushed him, not very hard, and flew into another freshman. Well, who do you think was there? Oh, yes. Madame. She laughed at us, and then Pencil Case yelled at her as she went down the stairs, "Kellinka does club drugs!"

1.19.2005

Swollen Glands and TV Dinner Boycotts

So, yesterday I was sick, as was Van Chelsing (who was again today). Certain people thought we'd cut class together, which I found hilarious for all the wrong reasons. First of all, I'm too much of a good girl. I hate to admit it, but I really am. Second of all, it would be so not fun, skipping school with my swollen glands and Chelsea's flu. Also, Maggie and Pencil Case definitely would have been there with us.

Anyway. I hate TV dinners so, so much. They are wrong on so many levels. The first being that every part of them is made of cardboard. And do you think anyone in Europe eats TV dinners? No. Because they have actual culture, and not what they think is culture based on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Really. My God.

Today was so non-noteable that I think I'm actually going to go do my history homework. I'd sleep, too, but Adult Hermione has guilted our entire study hall into never sleeping in school again by telling us how much our parents pay per semester for us to sit in study halls. Yeah, it's nice to know that my parents pay a large sum of money for fifty minutes where I sit down in a chair, blog, stare into space, and curse the preps that invade the library on a regular basis.

I think the most interesting part of my day was, sadly, in ICP when Adult Hermione checked book covers. Kirsch seemed to think, hey, she won't notice if I just oh-so-casually drape my folder over the book. Adult Hermione just laughed at him, asked if he really thought she was that stupid, and then antagonized him about it for the rest of class.

The forensics meeting was entertaining. Believe it or not, we actually went to our meeting instead of talking to Madame. Yes, well, mostly because Madame was not there, but also because we felt guilty about the last time. Anyway, Pencil Case became a man wearing a zoot suit, or 40s Man, we read notes that Senora G confiscates during her class, and certain people who should definitely not be looking at RateMyTeacher.com wanted to look at it. Oh, Pencil Case also hit me in the bum with the sticks from his locker shelf that he was also using to make a zoot suit out of his shirt.

After the meeting, we went to go wait for Das Vater. First Pencil Case accidently blew snow into his own eyes, which made me laugh forever. Then, instead of being a gentleman, he made me go fetch him a stick so that he could draw scatter plots in the snow. I said, "No, but Pencil Case! I am only a poor orphan immigrant child with cloth shoes!" But did he care? No. He made me fetch the stick anyway, and I got snow in my cloth shoes.

1.17.2005

Girly Screaming

Today was just exams, exams, exams. I am kind of an exams wizard, though, it turns out, because I had straight A's if you just casually ignore ICP. Yes, I like being an exams wizard, except that I hyper-cram-study, get enough sleep but not good sleep, have very strange dreams, overanalyze everyone I know, and become even more sarcastic and bitchy than I already am. Anyway, we will run through each class of the day, a la Maggie.

1. French: I need to remember that nouns sink. Madame withheld my three wasted extra credit stickers. Then she said, "I don't ask myself questions. I'm not crazy." N had her skirt rolled just about as far up as you can get it, which Chelsea, Maggie, and I noticed the second she graced the room with her presence. In fact, it was really all fun and games until Mags swore she glimpsed a bit too much. Oh, in the vocab section of the exam, Pencil Case put down "la tante" (aunt) for a big hunk of ham and didn't have it marked wrong.

2. English: A lot of discussion about exams and what diversity is. Poppa G said "druggies", which pretty much made the rest of my day sufficient.

3. ICP, or, as it is now, Physics: Not much. I realized that Adult Hermione gave me absolute special treatment when I handed in an assignment about three days late and she didn't take any points off. Yeah, technically, I was supposed to have a zero. Physics has got to be better than Chemistry was, though. For all of us.

4. Theology: I can't even remember. This should give you a good idea of how notable these classes generally are.

5. Lunch: Not notable in the slightest, since the first day of semester they make you go to your real study hall and not the library. In other words, they're trying to steal my Chelsea away. Kind of like I stole some of Pencil Case's French fries.

6. Algebra: ABC adopted a very bizarre way of correcting. Oh, well, I don't care, I got an A- and I'm not going to ask how the hell she came up with that.

7. Art: Pretty boring, lots of talking and introducing. Art Teacher said, "We will be doing self-portraits." Barbie replied, "Of ourselves?" and Pencil Case and I collapsed into manic laughter. Pencil Case said, "Barbie?! Self-portraits of ourselves?" and Barbie shot back, feeling very smart, "Well, that's what she just said." I sighed, "That's kind of a no-brainer." Barbie's brother rolled his eyes in frustration that the stupid gene hit her like a sack of bricks.

On the way upstairs, Pencil Case attempted to push me over and I screamed. Right in front of Random Spanish Teacher, who, very sternly, told Pencil Case, "Watch. Your. Hands."

8. History: Any declarations I made previously that this class sucked, well, they're still true.

9. Study Hall: Too boring. I wrote a note to Van Chelsing about Operation Bering Strait, which, she informed me right after study hall, is a go. We were very girly and screamed and hugged. Then we went to Senora G's room, screamed girly-ly, and hugged. Senora G is our awesome vegetarian older sister whom we don't actually have.

Anyway, now it is operation GetMAD and Pencil Case finds this frustrating. Why, might you ask? Because it requires thinking.

1.15.2005

Shocked and Awed

Like my entry from last weekend, this entry will cover a wide-sprawling maze of topics. But first, I feel, we have to cover the most important topic.


1. Exam Grades: Yes, my science exam grade was indeed a C-. But, much to my shock, awe, and surprise, all my other ones are extremely good. An A+ in French, an A in history, and... the most shocking of all... an A- in algebra. I feel smart. In fact, I just did my semester average, and depending on what I get in English, I'll either have a 9.5 or 9.3 semester GPA. Although that would require a 90 or above on my exam, I'm fairly sure I'm good there (and Poppa G tends to love the rounding). Wow, that's pretty cool, considering two weeks ago I'd just reached an 8.0. Wow, I love being a nerd and tormenting myself with grades and if/thens.


2. Lunch with D and Stary: So, Friday after school, I got to go to lunch with D and Stary. This involved Stary and I talking about all the ridonkulously bad teachers at SMS, Monty Python, Stary and I laughing hysterically at nothing, and stories about toupees.


3. Party at Kellinka's Place, Part Two Around 5:30ish, we picked up Maggie and Chelsea from Jekyll and Hyde set construction. We were just going to get settled in until Pencil Case stopped by, but then Pencil Case called saying he didn't have a ride. So La Mere, Maggie, Chelsea, and I went to pick him up. This involved a train, people packed in a car with steamy windows, and Chelsea's fear of bridges.

Chelsea, in her Napoleon Dynamite voice: Frickin' idiot!
La Mere: Kellinka! God, did you teach her that?

Then we got home. Everyone else ate pizza and I just ate cheesy bread. Because I am the lone citizen of America who does not like pizza, for those of you who were not aware. Anyway, after this, everyone devoured some weird two-year-old candy canes (again, I didn't, mainly because I knew better) and then we all played Balderdash with La Mere.

First we discussed, though, the fact that last Friday night, Pencil Case said to Fake Sick, "Good night, Ricky! I mean, Steve!" Note that Fake Sick's real name is neither Ricky nor Steve. Anyway, we decided that we're going to call Fake Sick "Ricky" for the rest of his life. But, without further ado, here are some of the more hilarious bits of Balderdash. Pencil Case, as usual, insisted upon constantly being the Dasher or the Balder or whatever he was possessed to call it at that moment. Anyway, initials/acronyms was our category du jour.

"G.O.T.A.: Ghetto Outfits That Ass-kick" -Maggie

"G.O.T.A.: Gothic Outcast Transexual Association" -La Mere

"D.C.F.C.: Demon Canary Fort Council" -Maggie

"G.A.T.F.: Grandmas and Telepathic Force" -Chels

"G.A.T.F.: Gay and Tittilating Fun" -Maggie

"B.L.O.W.S.: Boys Low on Wasabi Sauce" -Maggie

"F.P.A.: Flying Pharmacists of America" -This was the real answer.

"F.P.A.: Flailing Peaches Academy" -Chelsea

And, the hit of the night, coming from Van Chelsing: "N.P.G.A.: Narcoleptic Pissing Groin Association".

Anyway, then we went to watch Popular again, Pencil Case went home, leaving Maggie, Chelsea, and I to talk about deep girly things until morn. Also, we didn't have to see the food he was "storing up for later".


4. Set Construction:

Well, in the morning, Mags and I basically just hung out with Senora G, talking about paranoias, neuroses, science classes, you get the idea. The best part was when Senora G had written "6:30" on her chalkboard, but the colon was so big that it looked like "6830". She immediately says, "I know. My colon's really big!" And, as Maggie and I collapse into ridiculous amounts of laughter, goes, "I think that's the funniest thing I've ever said in my life."

Then Maggie had to leave, we had a props crew meeting, and Chelsea and I went to eat lunch in Senora G's room again. In case you have not guessed, set construction for the musical is not fun at all. There are only three reasonable people there, and the rest of them are just crazed brainwashed lunatics. Anyway, before today, I had never fully realized how nice and awesome Adult Hermione is, although I'd always thought she was just great. She's even better than that. And I'm not just saying that because I was comparing her to a bunch of loons.

Anyway, Chelsea and I got to see Senor G, Senora G's husband, who is very nice and laughs at locker signs that say "I love Erin so much I cry at night." Then Chelsea and I wandered the halls, running into Mrs. Happy and completing a few operations. Then we actually went to go work the rest of the day, and even though it was busy work, it kind of made us forget how tired and annoyed we were.

1.13.2005

Well. That Pretty Much Sucked.

I HATE EXAMS.

I also hate science and math and C- on said science exams and also knowing I did really, really badly on said math exam.

Also, I'm depressed, because according to Pencil Case I missed the Funniest Thing Ever. And it involves Madame. Goddamnitalltohell. Another thing to add to the hate list: public transportation. Okay, now go to Pencil Case's blog and read his Funniest Thing Ever.

Anyway, Das Vater took me to Noodles and Company for lunch. I swear, all of freaking NDA was there. Barbie and her mother, my favorite substitute Mrs. M; Max From Math; the FemiNazi; Erin and Kathleen; a bunch of junior girls who I don't know; and someone who bore a disturbing resemblence to Mrs. Enegy. It was all so creepy.

Last night was very entertaining. I went to the study tables with Maggie, and we ran into Chelsea and Erik. Since they are all in the other history class, they were chatting about their essay questions. Since I am in my own retarded history class, I sat and read an issue of Time magazine about the science of happiness. It was very interesting. I was reading part of the article about which countries are happiest. Don't ask me how you measure happiness, but apparently they did, and Maggie had theories to why certain countries were so happy/unhappy.

"The Irish are happy because, well, all they do is drink."

"Who are the unhappiest?"
"The Russians and the Ukrainians."
"Oh! That's just because it's so cold and they don't have any space heaters."

Then Maggie and I ventured up to ABC's room for math help. Who else was there but... Paul! It was highly entertaining. ABC antagonized us, said dirty words, and threw a bouncy ball against the wall to thoroughly freak me out. Maggie, Paul, and I revealed our obscene mathematical retardation. I eventually felt like my brain was going to explode from all the numbers, so I moseyed back down to the library.

When I reached the library, I found Chelsea and Joseph, sitting at a table and talking. I decided to join them, since usually wherever one of them goes, hilarity follows. Anyway, we made fun of Chelsea's "bathroom passes" for The Frater's class, and the fact that you get extra credit for not having to pee. Joseph then told us a very elaborate story about how Mr. Blaney yelled at Liz in their history class.

"Well, it was during a test. And he swore Liz was talking, I don't know why, because she wasn't. And he yells at her, 'Liz! Stop TALKING!' And she just said, very quietly, 'Mr. Blaney, I wasn't talking.' He just yelled at her again, and she said, again, 'I wasn't talking.' And, well, have you seen Lord of the Rings, where Frodo sees the ring and his eyes go all *hand gesture*. Well, that's what Mr. Blaney did, except he yelled, 'SHUT UP!' at the same time."

Anyway, Principal was supervising us all in the library, and he noticed Joseph's wild facial expressions. He walked over and asked, "Ladies, is Joseph here bothering you?"

Then Joseph thought I was a foreign exchange student. This is the second time this year someone thought I was, and it completely baffles me. I don't look foreign, or at least I don't think so, and I don't have an accent, to the best of my knowledge.

Today on the way up the stairs after exams, Pencil Case screamed in the face of someone he didn't even know. It was hilarious.

1.12.2005

A Lack of Color

Exams recap:

1. First Period: French. Pretty easy. I donated all my extra-credit stickers from this semester to the test, because otherwise I will forget to use them later. That was a very good idea, since the number of questions I'm unsure of is exactly the number of stickers I have. Anyway, I finished very early, and Madame is the lone cool teacher who lets us listen to music when we're done, so I listened to Poddly and started Down and Dirty Pictures: Miramax, Sundance, and the Rise of Independent Film. I felt very smart.

2. Second Period: English. Very easy. I have no further comment.

Between second period and eighth period, I chatted with Maggie and Pencil Case. I asked Pencil case for money, and Pencil Case decided to ask Madame. Madame said I could, but then she was saying something about doors and photocopying while Pencil Case was chattering away behind me, so I spent a good three minutes in utter confusion. I got my dollar, though, and bought some Fritos. And now I'm going to go to the Commons, listen to Poddly, and devour whatever life there may be out of said Fritos.

Tomorrow, just for the record, is going to suck. It is not fair to make me take math and science finals on the same day. I mean, even if I was scientifically or mathematically minded, it wouldn't be fair to do that to me. I am just a poor slobby freshman. Although, I have to say it was nice having my two best subjects for my first exams of my life. It gives me a delusion that all exams will be so nice for me, but luckily I'm too cynical to believe that delusion is true.

1.11.2005

Mecs

French was more review again today. I am not stressed for the exams at all. I know all my vocab except for my place settings, and we learned that the word "mecs" means, and this is a direct quote from Madame, "Dudes or peeps."

English was highly entertaining. Poppa G let us review, which meant that I went and bugged my front-row friends Van Chelsing, Betty Jean, and Iz. I also spoke in a Russian accent for most of this time. When I went to ICP, I asked Adult Hermione for permission to continue my Russian accent in her class, and she just laughed at me. Then we had theology, which was so boring that I can't even remember what I did to de-bore myself. I hate, hate, hate review days with a passion.

The best part of my day was lunch. This is because, for today, lunch translates loosely to "study party in the French room with Pencil Case and Maggie." Our ratio of studying to partying was actually fairly even. It was rather eventful, though. Pencil Case provoked me to give him the finger by giving me the finger, and then we just flipped each other off back and forth, thinking Madame wasn't watching, and then she saw me. She didn't really care, though, since she was busy yelling nonsense at her computer: "Why are you going to the second line?!" There was also an incident in which Pencil Case stood up and farted, then looked totally surprised, like he had no idea he was going to fart. Maggie and I almost died laughing.

Pencil Case: So you don't think I'm manly?
Me: Well, you're not, like, macho-manly, like, hey I try out for every single sport. You do your own thing, and that's very cool. You're not a conformist loser.
Pencil Case: Madame, do you think I'm manly?
Madame: Pencil Case, why are you worried about being manly? You are only a boy.
Pencil Case, two seconds later: I'm so fat.
Me: See, you really are a girl.
Pencil Case: Actually, no. I do that to mock you girls.
Me: Excuse me, I never whine about how fat I am. I know I'm not fat.
Pencil Case: Maybe you should reconsider that.
Me: Pencil Case! Shut up!
Madame: Why do you care if Pencil Case calls you fat if you just said you know you're not fat?

(Madame says something about Napoleon Dynamite.)
Me: You watched Napoleon Dynamite? Did you like it?
Madame: Yeah, "your mom goes to college", that was a pretty funny insult.

Pencil Case: Madame, how do you say "you are an STD-infected whore" in French?
Madame: If you really want to know, look it up.

Math was the extraordinarily simple fraction final, and then gym was our final gym class (good god, I'm so glad) in which we fully fulfilled our role as a bunch of deranged space-cadets, airheads, Q/F.B.'s, and loud, arrogant jocks. History was the usual.

1.10.2005

But my lips hurt real bad!

Wow, Chelsea and I had fun in French today, sitting in the beanies and quoting Napoleon Dynamite. Then we reviewed numbers, and class got very, very complex all of the sudden, particularly when Madame taught us what Pencil Case determined are crazy Russian math tricks that no one else seems to know. Anyway, since I enjoy tormenting myself by finding out what happens if I do badly on my exam, I did the math, and I can get a 50 on my French exam and still have an 88 for a semester grade. God, I am such a language dork.

Today is an excellent day grade-wise, because, somehow, I got 100 on my history test on Rome, an 88 on my math quiz, and an 88 on my ICP test. Wow, I am just phenomenal. Well, not really, but I have no idea how I managed to get 100 on my history test.

Except not really, because:
1. I missed my bus and was late for school.
2. Today was generally boring.
3. I lost my notebook that has all my writing for the novel (and deep personal thoughts) in it.

Yes, I am definitely stressing out about number 3 to an insane degree. I am so, so worried that: a) I will never find it again, or b) someone will read it. Today is not only sucky but grading-wise-fabulous, it requires too many lists. Pencil Case and I went scrounging for the notebook at lunch. No such luck, and it isn't in the French room, the safest place to assume it was. It could be in Poppa G's room, but I think I would have noticed leaving that behind there since I wasn't in a particular rush to go take my ICP test. Okay. I'm going to stop stressing.

Oh, I colored my hair last night. It looks pretty much the same, well, perhaps just a bit different. And that is all my excitement for the past two days apart from obsessing over grades, finals, and my missing notebook. I am such a loser geek.

1.08.2005

An Entry In Many Parts.

Part I: "Forensics Meeting"

On Friday afternoon, Pencil Case and I were supposed to have a forensics meeting. We're easily distracted, though, and so we spent all but three minutes of said meeting hanging out with Madame.

Pencil Case: Hey, Mom.
Me: Did you just call her Mom?
Madame: Yeah, he did.
Pencil Case: No, I didn't! I called her Madame without the "da."

Me: Haha, Pencil Case! Your password is puffin!
Pencil Case: No, it's not. It rhymes with Buffy!
Madame: Like Buffy the wampire-- I mean, vampire slayer? Wait, I always forget, is her name Buffy or Duffy?

Pencil Case: Oh my god, Madame! You have the puff air freshener thing!
Madame: Yeah, but they say you're supposed to see it, and, well, I've never seen it puff.

We also discussed other random things, and Madame had a minor flip-out over the fact that Veggie G has called herself G-Dawg, which you can read all about at Pencil Case's blog. We went to the forensics meeting for all of three minutes, and I went to call Das Vater who was, for whatever reason, confused about the fact that he was supposed to pick me up even though La Mere probably told him this approximately eight times. Anyway, he was upset with me at first because he thought I missed my bus, but then I started laughing because Frau was saying random things in hilarious accents, and then he was even more upset with me. I blamed it all on Frau, who just continued on by making me laugh again by reciting random parts of E.T.

Sadly, though, Madame and Frau went home, leaving Pencil Case and I alone in the room with Frau's abandoned lunch box. This time, Frau told us not to make out. We whacked each other with bean bags for a bit, and then we decided to look at the interior of Frau's lunchbox. Which was a half-eaten apple and a little Tupperware container of jelly. Oooh. Dramatic.

Part Two: Fete Chez Kellinka

That's right, party at Kellinka's place. Too bad you all missed it, because it was last night. We watched a very good show called Popular, which I have to admit picked up a bit when they dropped the random folksinger in the background. Everyone decided my parents were cool, which weirded me out, and then they ganged up against me and tormented me.

We also played SceneIt somewhere in there, but I have misplaced the DVD part of the game so we only played the trivia part. Pencil Case declared that he and Chelsea were recieving harder questions than Maggie and me and said, "You get questions like, 'What movie involves a toy cowboy named Woody, a toy spaceship man named Buzz Lightyear, and a piggy bank?'. We get questions like, 'What movie involves trees, birds, and the clouds?'." Maggie said, "What the crap, you idiot?! Buzz Lightyear was a space ranger, not a 'spaceship man.'"

Anyway, we had a much better idea than torturing me after that. We decided to play Beyond Balderdash, my favorite game. We made up some hilarious definitions. According to Pencil Case, the word "beestings" is "A derogatory term for a group of Jewish women in labor." According to my mother, Hot Potato is "A porno starring Mr. Potato Head." You get the general idea of how this game went. Highly amusingly, that is how.

Part Three: Set Construction

This is the comparatively depressing part of my tale, except for the parts involving lunch, Veggie G, and Stary. Well, my morning started out in the auditorium at 9, with demented Schmidty's voice in my ear, saying, "Get these motley people something to do!" This should give you a good idea of the fact that Schmidty is a somewhat insane not very nice person, even though Pencil Case does not agree.

We got McDonald's for lunch, and Chels, Maggie, and I decided to be very cool and order Mighty Kids Meals. Maggie accidentally got a boy toy in hers, though, which was a catapult. You can imagine that we had fun with that.

After lunch, though, I had to go visit Veggie G for help with my forensics monologue. This lasted an hour, and not just because I wanted to get away from set construction. We had to work on my accents, which suck. They all sound Russian, no matter what I do. My French accent sounds Russian. My Moroccan accent sounds Russian. My Polish accent sounds like my Passably Vague Central European Accent, which was the only good part. Anyway, Pencil Case was there, too, and went off on tangents and spoke Swahili for us. It was a lovely time.

When we got tired of sets again, Chelsea, Alex, and I went to talk to Stary about how it's more fun when he's in charge and we all got to talking about how we don't like Schmidty. We never mentioned her name, though, she is like an unspoken force of evil. Stary basically called us his little peeps, which made us very happy. It was a lovely conversation, but then Stary had to go back to fencing.

And there you have it. The last 27 or so hours in a little three-part nutshell.

1.07.2005

This Music Ain't Got No Soul

Today started out with a very eventful drama club meeting during which Chelsea was fluffy.

Chels: G-Dawg! I'm fluffy!
G-Dawg: Okay.

Me, standing up and dancing: Hi, I'm Chelsea and I'm fluffy!

Me: Yo, G-Dawg, I think we need to come up with some forensics gang sinez at the meeting today.
G-Dawg: Oh, yeah. I'll have to remember to bring that up.
(I owe that brilliant idea to Miss Paprika, by the way.)

Then my eyes were scalded out by a blinding ray of sunlight. Yes, that's right, Madame was trying to blind us by not closing her blinds, and she freely admits this. I bought my French club sweatshirt, and then I idiotically donated the rest of the money I had on me to the tsunami victims, since I'd had a major brain spasm and forgotten that I needed to buy a lunch. Anyway, that was the majority of French class, except that we watched the rest of Home Alone and Pencil Case chucked a bean bag at my head. Oh, and then Pencil Case wrote his address for me on a sheet of paper, and insisted upon drawing a cat at the bottom. Then I went back to review my vocab with Chels, who thought I would be stumped by "mashed potatoes and gravy". Ah, but little did she know. Oh, and for those of you who were all concerned about it, Pencil Case is no longer mad at Madame for "walking through him while holding a hatbox", which is her description of the events which occured yesterday.

So, after French, we went to Poppa G's English. Unfortunately, Chelsea didn't flail and Poppa G's Favorite Reader didn't get to read. So, this left people to discuss how I give the impression of being a genius because I am tiny, bespectacled, and have a large vocabulary. Okay, then.

This segues nicely into ICP, since Adult Hermione is tiny, bespectacled, has a large vocabulary, and is most likely a genius. Yes, she made fun of us for our chemical reaction formulas and took much delight in this.

I can't remember what I did in theology. I think I was supposed to take a practice quiz for exams, but I finished it in a few minutes and I just wrote funny quotes all over the back of it. Since Legos is in my theology, the first one that came to mind was a quote from Chels about Legos himself: "I bet if you looked at him hard enough, you would discover that he is really made of Legos."

Then it was time for lunch. Chels donated four quarters to the Kellinka French Fry Fund. I ate my fries as fast as possible to go join Chels in the library. On my way in, Girly Sweater was leaving the library, and we exchanged funny faces and shimmys. Then Pencil Case kidnapped me to go roam the halls as we usually do. We checked in with Madame, but she was working and so we respected her space and didn't bother her. G-Dawg had a class, so Pencil Case decided we should go visit Schmidty. This lasted about a minute, and for some reason, the board in the band/choir room said something like "Ha ha ha ho hee hee ho ho hee." We laughed.

Then we looked at pictures by the auditorium. Pencil Case tried to kick me, but I pointed at him and shouted, "ABUSE! ABUSE!" Super Brooker and Tall Lady were right there. And Super Brooker looked very, very concerned. Pencil Case said, "She's kidding." Super Brooker asked me if I was kidding and I said, "Yes, I am kidding." Then he walked away, looking much less concerned, and Tall Lady just laughed at us and went into the auditorium.

During Algebra, ABC was pretending to be a small child. Then she became a Texan. And after that, we all took our freakishly easy quizzes on matrices. I traversed to gym, during which I caught a fly ball hit by FB. I was very proud, mostly because I cannot stand FB. World history was a bore because no one was the Dalai Lama. That really sucked. And now I'm in study hall, having printed out MapQuest directions for Pencil Case, typed up this entire boring entry, and I'm sitting next to Emily. I have a feeling that I will write another entry about my bound-to-be-eventful night sometime arounud 1:00 this morning, so you won't all miss me too much.

Wait, I'm back again. I just found out that Amy has gang sinez, and that just made my day.

1.06.2005

Hatbox Whacking

Today began, unusally, with a silent car ride with Uncle Paddy and Angie. Yes, then we were about a minute away from being late because Uncle Paddy didn't listen when I told him taking the highway would be faster.

So then, French. Pencil Case has about 1/17th of our vocab for this semester in the vocab section of his binder. He also behaved generally spazzily, and then he was threatened to move into the learning T. Maggie was very proud that she knew what a learning T was. Pencil Case showed more challengedment in French and Madame told me I should adopt him to study before exams. Ha ha. Then he screwed up his contraction on the board (during the special announcement) and Madame told him to erase it, so he erased the whole sentence. Madame yelled, rather loudly, still during the announcement, "NO!!"

Me: Hi, Frau. This is my cousin.
Frau: Oh, okay. Hi, cousin.

English was another fairly easy test. In ICP, we did a very easy experiment. In fact, ICP was almost completely non-noteable except for the phrase "nasty-ass puke-color" and me telling Adult Hermione that she should ask Maggie about her rice during seventh period. Oh, and then Adult Hermione said we should pour our test tubes directly down the drain, because, and I quote, "I don't want to see what kind of monsters would grow in the sinks." Oh, yes. Theology involved finishing the Moses movie, a movie that involved the line "I will ride you like a horseman rides a horse." Oh, even better, this line was said by the voice of God.

Lunch was, as usual, a saga in itself. First we had to get money for the Shadow Lunch Money Foundation, because Angie forgot that NDA is a poor school and that we don't have lunch cards, nor can we give shadows free meals left and right. But we can give them free T-shirts, and so we headed to Mrs. Happy's office with Pencil Case. On the way, though, we cut through the library so Chels could tell me tales of Poppa G's Favorite Reader in her math class. Very funny.

So, then we found Mrs. Happy and got a free T-shirt.

Pencli Case: So, I'm still depressed that I never got a T-shirt.
Mrs. Happy: Oh, well, when did you shadow?
Pencil Case: I didn't.

Then we decided to visit Madame. This visit involved:

a. Pencil Case drawing a very stick-figure-esque drawing of Madame.

b. Pencil Case sticking the blueberry-scented marker under Madame's nose.

c. Pencil Case patting Madame's head.

d. Pencil Case forcing Madame to give him high-fives.

e. Madame making hilarious faces at all of the above.

f. Madame telling us to stop being annoying.

g. Pencil Case continuing to be annoying while I apologized for being annoying.

h. Madame whacking Pencil Case with a hatbox.

i. Madame accepting my apology and telling me to keep Pencil Case away from her AS A JOKE.



This gave Pencil Case an excuse to mope and sulk during gym, saying that Madame hates him. I told him he should just respect her boundaries, and then he threatened to switch to Spanish if I didn't oink like a French pig in labor. So I followed his orders, sacrificing my own dignity for his own good. Anyway, he still wants a formal apology from Madame.

And, to round off a very strange day, Bet was the Dalai Lama during history.

1.05.2005

Flagrant Disregard for the Rules

I'm flagrantly breaking the rules by writing in my blog during history. Oops. That is just about the second time today I've been an awful, rule-breaking child. Well, actually, the third, but the first time it was for a rule everyone ignores and only Toe Touches seems to be aware of the existence of.

Anyway, history was its usual boring self until about a minute before we came to the computer lab. Yes, because some random kid opens the door, says, "Oh, sorry" and leaves. We all laughed and then Mr. B goes, "Oh, wow. That was a scary kid."

Today in French we did our dialogues. Pencil Case didn't memorize and had to completely invent/improvise his. Very funny. You should go read his blog for more details of this event. Anyway, Van Chelsing was really loopy because she'd just taken her medicine and that led to more hilarity. And then Maggie named the stuffed dog "Mrs. Puppy." Because she's evidently married to Mr. Puppy.

English was fairly not-noteable except for Poppa G calling cormorants "ugly birds" in this hilarious voice. Which made Betty Jean and I laugh for quite some time. ICP and theology were a lot of the same except that I signed up for every single set-painting shift and prop crew during the latter. Yes, I am an overachiever.

During lunch, we had our usual Chels-Mags-Kellinka meeting ritual in the library. We laughed a ton, received numerous evil glares, and cackled when we saw Schmidty doing her Brisk Red Trenchcoat Walk.

Chels: I think I'm going to make a blog about drama club. It will be called I Wish on Shooting Starys. (We laugh.) Hey, imagine Stary shooting through the sky!! (More laughter.)

Then Pencil Case came, and he and I went to see Madame.

Madame: Hello, my peeps.

We read our blogs. Madame laughed a lot, very hard. Then Pencil Case was late for study hall and I was late for algebra, so Madame wrote us passes, not noting on them that we were basically hanging out with her for the first few minutes of hour 5B. It was very fun. And now I am in boring old history pretending to work.

Madame: Cow? I hope that's not me.

Madame: Look! It's already called Pink Eye! My God!

I feel the need to mention that Frau said one of the most hilarious things ever yesterday, when Pencil Case and I were bugging her, it was: "No, Billy Young was not a Russian figure skater. He was a Russian gymnast. Madame is just a little screwed up on that because someone's probably been feeding her too much borscht."

This meant that, last night, whenever we started a private chat room, the word "borscht" was somehow involved. One of our chats was called No Borscht For the Wicked, and then Chels, Pencil Case, and I kept complimenting each other. So then I said "It's just a big circle of flattery here at No Borscht For The Wicked", which Pencil Case deemed classic.

1.04.2005

Pink Eye

Pencil Case is nuts. We decided to make sure we were there when Madame saw our lovely handiwork from yesterday afternoon, but then she wasn't coming! I suggested that we go ask (bother) Frau, and Frau explained that Madame would not be here because her daughter had pink eye. Well, this confused Pencil Case well into gym class, because he doesn't listen, so I had to explain that to him, and the fact that sometimes people use nicknames. Anyway, we spent most of our morning before class locking our handiwork in an empty locker and intermittenly going to bother Frau by asking her annoying questions. Except that she didn't seem to mind, because Frau is awesome.

Frau, pointing to my iPod: I bet you're secret German people. You illegally download files of German lessons onto your little iPods and listen to them before school.

We talked about paranoiacs and obsessive-compulsive disorder in English. Chels and I almost died laughing. I mentioned this to Maggie at the eating-part of lunch, and then Bet reinstated my paranoia again. After poking Maggie numerous times.

Well, for those of you who aren't aware, Maggie and I have first lunch, and then Van Chelsing has first-hour-lunch-period-study-hall. Which basically means that we now have a great tradition of going to the library, all three of us, every day and making a ruckus. Not a big ruckus, just a three-person ruckus. Today it involved proofreading, confusion, being grateful, Maggie checking her email, talking about Chelsea's random outbursts, comparing schedules, and discussing mismatched names. And that was just the parts I can remember.

Pencil Case: Well, she said, 'I'm going to strangle him and then bury him and hope the earthworms eat him alive and give him a bad digestive problem' or something like that.
Me: Um. I would think once she would have strangled him, his digestive system wouldn't really be much of a concern. (Pencil Case and I crack up.)

1.03.2005

Edited To Encompass My Eventful Afternoon

Goodness. Well, the people who are INVOLVED with the situation will understand the title. And I'm no longer involved with the situation, nor am I going to advertise my feelings towards individuals involved on this blog.

Anyway. I'm so glad to be back at school. By which I really mean: I'm so glad to be back at French. Except that Van Chelsing is sick and that makes me sad and lonely and leaves me with no one to laugh at the word "paranoia" in English class. Anyway, today was pretty good nonetheless. Madame has yet another new hair color, which is lovely, but reminded me that I slept through my appointment to get my hair cut and colored. Oops. Then she chastized Pencil Case over the possibility of his moving.

Maggie: You can't move! You... dick!
Madame: Now, come on, Maggie. His name is not Richard, it's Pencil Case.
Me: His middle name is Richard!
Madame: Well, how do you know that he doesn't want to be called Chip? Or Rick?
Maggie: Or Chuck... oh, no wait, that's for Charles.

Anyway, it was a fun class. Maggie and I giggled over nothing, Madame made really random noises, Pencil Case laughed really loudly out of nowhere, and then it was time for Poppa G's English. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that Pencil Case gave me a completely and totally brilliant belated Christmas gift. He spoils me, oh yes.

Pencil Case: Madame. You never told us you drove a big black pickup truck.
Madame, after some minor ranting/explaining: What, was I supposed to announce it to all of you?! Okay then. I drive a black truck.

Anyway, more Kellinka-and-Maggie giggling over nothing came during lunch. After we'd finished digesting, we headed over to the library. Well, there was someone (Maggie dubbed it "It", as in, "Should we wake It?") asleep on a table, with just its head on the table. Except you couldn't see anything because It had a big coat on with an enormous hood. It made us laugh. Pencil Case had study hall the next hour and said that It was still there and the librarians had to wake It. Haha.

That said, today was nearly completely un-noteable. I hit a ball playing wiffle ball in gym, woohoo. Well, I mean, it was noteable, but I'm not going to talk about some of it on here. That's what my email for Maggie, which I'm going to now go finish, is for.

Well, now I am at home and it's almost time for dinner. I just had to explain my rather eventful afternoon. See, the moment I saw Pencil Case on my way up from study hall, he goes, "Let's go see Madame!!" Well, then we were talking for a bit, and Pencil Case suddenly has this outburst in which he tells Madame something I had asked him not to tell her under any circumstances. Not because it was bad, just because she'd be really weirded out. She wasn't weirded out, though, she just thought it was really funny. Then I had an outburst in which I told Pencil Case he cannot be trusted and that I would never tell him anything again. He left, but Madame made him come back and said we should "resolve our issues". She told us, basically, that Pencil Case needs boundaries. Then she said if someone ever toilet-papered her house, she would immediately assume it was me. I yelled at Pencil Case again because of this, and he left again, and I made him come back again. We did some more talking, and then he ran around the school and missed his bus. Whereas I just called Das Vater and asked him to pick me up late (but he was talking in circles and so I asked him to pick me up at 4:30, which is not what I actually meant). So, Madame put me to work for a bit while Pencil Case was busy running around the school. Then he came back, along with Frau. Frau told Pencil Case she was going to come to the musical with a big sign that said "GO YOUNG JOSH!" so he would understand that it is a big deal. We also bothered them about their 80s Day picture in last year's yearbooks. Then they left, but they allowed us to stay in the room. Madame said, as she left, "Just don't make out." Thanks, Madame.

So, after the Adults had left, Pencil Case and I made a reproduction of the snotty yellow tissue poster. Then we wrote a very long note to Madame (read: I wrote and Pencil Case dashed about the room). We also talked to G-Dawg for a bit, Pencil Case "had a seizure", and other random events like the PowerChess98 CD-ROM. So, yeah, good, good times.