"He'll sit there and go, Dipsy... Po... Dipsy... Po. I honestly don't think he knows colors. Just Teletubbies."

11.15.2004

Reasons Why I Hate the Holidays

I just felt I needed to make a list, because my blog has not yet experienced the holidays and I wouldn't want people to get shocked when I spend a month in a half in a general state of pissed-off.

  • My father works in retail. Enough said.
  • My mother is, for once in the year, a decorating freak. Three Christmas trees, now, is that really necessary? Well, it is if you're La Mere and it's the holidays.
  • I detest ham due to an incident during which I regurgitated several ounces of it one Christmas.
  • It's so bastardized and commercialized.
  • The music is generally crappy. And overplayed, then forgotten about until the next November.
  • I hate Thanksgiving with my family because we force ourselves to pretend it is not all about football. This is why we're going down to my mother's family's place this year, because they don't even bother to pretend.
  • Retail. Bastardized. Commercialized.
  • It freaking devours shopping malls.
  • CoolAunt is the only person who sends cool cards. Last year, it included a picture of her dogs dressed up looking like babushka ladies. (Don't ask me what babushka ladies are, but that's exactly what they looked like.)
  • Three. Christmas. Trees. And the guest bedroom becomes a gift-wrapping station.
  • There are no longer end tables for me to put my coffee on, because they've been devoured by decorations.
  • We are often expected, in our families, to pretend to love each other and Experience the Season of Giving.
  • Which is really just the Season of Bastardization and Freakish Retail and Fugly Decorations.
  • I might be forced to see Christmas with the Kranks.

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