"He'll sit there and go, Dipsy... Po... Dipsy... Po. I honestly don't think he knows colors. Just Teletubbies."


"I don't want to see a teacher with cleavage again, ever."

Maggie's party was a blast, despite Chels and I having highly constrained breathing. So here are quotes, because you guys deserve them.

Schmeeze: No, I love to hand out candy! Because then when you open the door, you can say "trick or treat" to the kids!

Schmeeze: He needs an enlargement pill!

Me, eating a Krispy Kreme: Hey, Chels, Mags, I can hear myself getting fatter!
Chelsea: I still love that she said that as if she has fat to begin with. Hey, you know what would be adorable? If Madame got all stressed out about something and ate a bunch of Krispy Kremes and got pudgy. Wouldn't she be so cute?
Me: You know this is totally coming up during class on Monday, right?

Bet: Your MOM said that? Is she just the most terrible person?!?!

[I'm holding Maggie's bichon frise, Max]
Maggie: Cate, you're, like, the same size as the dog.

[I say something involving sex.]
Caitlyn: Why are you talking about sex?!
Tricia: Um, she's just happy because she had sex yesterday.
Schmeeze, sarcastically: God, Cate, I told you not to tell anyone!

Maggie: Hey, Stary, did you see Cate in the paper?
Stary (a teacher, with no cleavage, thank god): No, I don't get the paper. I get all my news from The Simpsons.

Maggie, wielding the drill: Will this interfere with my screwing?
Stary: Nothing could interfere with your screwing, Maggie, because you haven't been nailed yet. And being nailed comes from getting hammered!

Stary: Were the Bush twins there? I like those girls.
Maggie: Stary!
Stary: I don't want to marry them or anything!
Me: Oh, just dig yourself a little bit deeper, Stary.


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